


C.O.L.L.E.G.E

by IHealRages



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Avengers Go To College For Fun, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Everyone is Chaotic Stupid, F/M, Fluff and Crack, FrostIron - Freeform, M/M, More People and More Tags as Things Go On, Only Peter Is There To Learn, Peter Loves Emojis, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Stucky - Freeform, Texting, Thanos (Marvel) Dies, Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Cannot Spell, Tony Is Obscenely Rich, Tony acts like a dad, alternative endgame ending, bucky is adorable, chatfic, groupchat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:42:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23584036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHealRages/pseuds/IHealRages
Summary: Just a crack and texting groupchat fanfic for fun.SHIELD has the idea to send the Avengers to college, Tony the resident billionaire takes it upon himself to make it happen.Not all the Avengers feature at the start but might join in later.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Jane Foster/Thor, Loki/Tony Stark, Matt Murdock & Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson
Comments: 52
Kudos: 165





	1. The Start of a Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this crack text fanfic. Expect pure nonsense and a total lack of seriousness.
> 
> All Nicknames (edits will be made throughout):
> 
> Tony: IronMan  
> Natasha: Nat  
> Hawkeye: Hawkeye  
> Thor: Thor, ThunderNoodle  
> Loki: Loki, MassMurderInStyle, Frozen, DangerNoodle  
> Peter: PeterParkour, Peter, BestBoi  
> Bruce: BruceBanner, Bruce, Banner son of the holy seven PhDs, ScienceBro!   
> Steve: SteveRogers, Capsicle, Steve, CaptainRighteous   
> Bucky: Bucky, BornToBeWild, KennedyKilled007, HomicideWithTheHomies, TitaniumRaccoon, JesusChristSuperstar, FullMetalAlchemist  
> Agent Coulson: Agent C, SpanglesFanboy  
> Sam: Falcon  
> Pepper: MissPotts  
> Deadpool: PiscinaDeLaMuerte  
> Matt Murdoch: Daredevil  
> Rhodey: WarMachine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Editing the formatting of the chapters, but if it makes it harder to read I can change it back...

**Chapter 1**

-

**April 1st, 2019.**

**Tony Stark has created the chat room: C.O.L.L.E.G.E** **(Creating Opportunities; Letting Losers Enjoy Good Education)**

**Tony Stark has changed their name to: IronMan**

**Tony Stark has invited: PeterParkour, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Bucky Barnes, Thor, Loki, Hawkeye & Nat**

IronMan: So, before anyone starts shit, I have three things to say: 

Number 1. I don’t know how we all lived through the whole Thanos thing, but here we are, and the world was luckily not destroyed  
and had no paranormal time rifts because Quill did his damn job. 

Number 2. Why are all of your usernames terrible? Get on mine and Clint’s level.

Number 3. I’ve agreed with Fury that some of you idiots need more education so I’m personally paying for you guys to go to college  
(you're fucking welcome).

Tell me where you want to go and if you drop out you have to pay me back because I don’t associate myself with losers. 

PeterParkour: Mr Stark!!! Really?!?

IronMan: Yes, you’re part of this as well kid.

I mean, technically you’re an Avneger, and I’m Tony Stark so giving you a scolarship to go through college won’t be questioned. 

Steve Rogers: All of us? 

**IronMan has** **changed Steve Roger’s name to: Capsicle.**

IronMan: Yes, aparently leaving people out would be ‘mean’ - Coulson’s words not mine. 

Capsicle: Haha, very funny Tony, change my name back. 

Bruce Banner: ... Tony. You know what you just said right?

IronMan: … 

Fuck.

I didn’t mean to add you.

Only the idiots without education should have been part of this chat! 

Bruce Banner: TOO LATE!!! Eighth PhD here I come!! I might even go to MIT since you’re paying for it.

IronMan: Ughhh. Don’t you have enough PhDs already???

Bruce Banner: No.

IronMan: ... Just don’t turn into a radioactive green monster in class and you should be fine. I am not dealing with the paperwork. 

Bruce Banner: It’s okay, I have that yoga CD you sent me. Maybe now it’ll be good for something, like throwing at the teachers, or cutting my study pizzas in half.

PeterParkour: Wow! I love MIT, it’s a really good college! You’ll be amazing Dr. Banner! 

IronMan: Obviously that’s where you’ll be going too Underoos.

Capsicle: Uh?

Tony.

Change my name back! 

PeterParkour: What? Me? 

No, no, Mr. Stark, that’s way too generous, I’ll just go to a local college. 

Somewhere more affordable! 

IronMan: Kid. I’m an actual billionaire. 

PeterParkour: Yeah but…

WHY DID mY AuNT JuST TExT Me ASKinG FOR mY EmAIL aND ScHooL InFoRMatIOn!?!

IronMan: Bam, you are now enrolled, have fun at MIT starting September kid. 

PeterParkour: MR. STARK ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ 

IronMan: Never use that face again.

PeterParkour: (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु⁾⁾ 

Capsicle: Someone tell me how to change my name back!!! 

IronMan: Whoever tells him gets kicked. 

Bruce Banner: Shouldn’t you be in class right now Peter? 

PeterParkour: Well… technically yes, but it’s computer lab and I already finished today’s assignment. 

IronMan: Peter! Go ask the teacher for more to do!! 

PeterParkour: WHAT!? NO!!!?

Bucky Barnes: I can understand why the others are here… But me and Loki? 

Loki: Do not drag me into this awful Midgardian speaking system. 

IronMan: Okay, first of all Peter go now or I will get May to ground you. 

PeterParkour: (。┰ω┰。) 

IronMan: Second:

**IronMan has changed Bucky Barnes' name to: BornToBeWild.**

**Iron Man has changed Loki’s name to: MassMurderInStyle**

BornToBeWild: …This does not answer my question. 

Hawkeye: It answers my question~ 

IronMan: Bird Brain, why are you in my ktichen? 

Hawkeye: I live here now! 

IronMan: … 

Hawkeye: Though, I do need to ask:

First of all. **@IronMan** Why am I going? 

Second, **@MassMurderInStyle** I thought you got stabbed?

IronMan: **@Hawkeye** Coulson told me you and Nat had to go too, something about team bonding.

**@BornToBeWild** I figured inviting you would get Captain Frozone to agree faster, and Loki is here to keep Thor in line.

  
  


MassMurderInStyle: I get stabbed a lot, I don't even register knives as a threat anymore.

I had a nice vacation visiting my darling Hela. 

By the way, this is my new villain name. You said everyone gets a villain name. I want this one. 

And just so you know, my brother has not worked out how to use his Midgardian communication device without breaking it so good luck getting him involved.

**Capsicle has change** **d their name to: Steve.**

Steve: Ha! I worked it out!! 

IronMan: Darn. 

BornToBeWild: Wait, I want Loki’s villain name! This isn’t fair! I will fight you for it! 

MassMurderInStyle: You cannot defeat me, but you are welcome to be my sidekick. 

IronMan: Uhh, villain name? So are you a villain now? 

BornToBeWild: I heard on the internet that being the villain was cooler and I don’t have to be ‘evil’ or ‘mind controlled by an evil corporation’ in order to be a villain, in fact I can fight those guys and destroy their bases, so I am now an unofficial villain.

IronMan: … Idiot.

BornToBeWild: STEVE HE IS BEING MEAN! PUNCH HIM! 

Steve: Do you assume I solve all of my issues by punching things? 

BornToBeWild: …You mean you don’t?

IronMan: He does. 

Steve: No I don’t!!! 

Bruce Banner: Actually, you kind of do…

BornToBeWild: ...So, with this college thing. What do people do at college? I assume it’s much different from back in my day. 

Steve: … I can’t believe you guys

IronMan: Pfft. Oldies. You’ll all be fine. You’ve got like six months before you start anyway, so just choose a college you want to go to, I’ll sign you up with my rivers of cash, and then you can decide what you want to major in when you’re there. I’m sure they’ll tell you everything. 

PeterParkour: I can’t believe I’m going to MIT… 

IronMan: Kid, why are you back! 

PeterParkour: Because I finished everything again Mr. Stark!!! Now I’m working on an algorithm for my web fluid. _#Sneaky_

IronMan: ...Fine I’ll let you off, don’t get caught. 

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark… you know you’re not my dad, right? 

Hawkeye: BLASPHEMY!!! 

Bruce Banner: I just saw Tony’s heart crack 

PeterParkour: NOOOOO!!! MR. STARK I DIDN’T MEAN IT!!! 

Nat: I regret clicking on this chat. 

**Nat has left the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E.**

**IronMan has added Nat to the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E.**

**Nat has left the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E.**

**IronMan has added Nat to the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E.**

Nat: …

IronMan: No escape. 

  
  


**-**


	2. Idiots In The Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson tried to explain things.
> 
> Tony: IronMan  
> Natasha: Nat  
> Hawkeye: Hawkeye  
> Thor: Thor  
> Loki: Loki, MassMurderInStyle, Frozen  
> Peter: PeterParkour, Peter, BestBoi  
> Bruce: BruceBanner, Bruce, Banner son of the holy seven PhDs, ScienceBro!   
> Steve: SteveRogers, Capsicle, Steve, CaptainRighteous   
> Bucky: Bucky, BornToBeWild, KennedyKilled007, HomicideWithTheHomies, TitaniumRaccoon, JesusChristSuperstar  
> Agent Coulson: Agent C, SpanglesFanboy  
> Sam: Falcon  
> Pepper: MissPotts  
> Deadpool: PiscinaDeLaMuerte  
> Matt Murdoch: Daredevil  
> Rhodey: WarMachine

**Chapter 2:**

  
  


**April 20th**

**-**

IronMan: So Coulson says I haven't explained things properly. Whatever that means. 

**IronMan has added Agent C to the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E.**

**IronMan has changed Agent C's name to: SpanglesFanboy**

SpanglesFanboy: ...Thanks for that Stark. 

IronMan: You're welcome. 

SpanglesFanboy: I'll just explain things in the quickest possible terms. 

Director Fury and I are currently looking into possible invasions from other planets, after what happened with Thanos,  
or at least, what could have happened, we've decided that the earth needs far higher security. In the meantime, the  
lot of you are on call, so to speak. 

If we need you we will send for you, but while we dont, we want you to become integrated members of society with  
in depth understanding of a lot of different issues, political, social, historical, all that jazz. 

Which is why we decided to send you all to college, learn what you can while there aren't supervillains and crazy idiots  
from space running around trying to kill everyone. 

MassMurderInStyle: Something tells me I should feel offended.

PeterParkour: !!! Mr. Coulson Sir, it's so nice to officially meet you! 

SpanglesFanboy: … **@IronMan** You invited Spiderkid and Loki? 

IronMan: I invited everyone! (Inculding Bruce by accident.) Even Bucky with his hideous makeup choices that look like he rubbed shoe polish over his own face. 

SpanglesFanboy: ……. From here on, I'm leaving it all to Stark. Please send your complaints to him, not me.

**SpanglesFanboy has left the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

IronMan: All complaints will be filed and put into the shredder.

Steve: He's right, you didn't explain properly at all. 

BornToBeWild: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HORRIBLE MAKEUP SKILLS? 

IronMan: Well excuse me for only telling you what I thought was important out of all of that garbage.  
Barnes you literarlly just give yourself panda eyes. 

Hawkeye: Does this mean SHIELD… or at least what's left of it, will be watching to see if we do things, or only you will **@IronMan**

IronMan: It means: Do what I say or I'm throwing you off the roof.

Steve: This seems like a terrible idea… 

Bruce: As long as I can abuse Tony's money and resources for my own gain (cough, PhDs), I have no complaints. Watch out **@IronMan** !

IronMan: You're literally sitting 3 feet from me?! 

Bruce: -slurps coffee-

IronMan: … I hate that I read that while I could hear it.

BornToBeWild: That’s strike one Stark. I work hard for my aesthetic. 

IronMan: Aesthetic?

PeterParkour: It’s punk goth!! 

BornToBeWild: SOMEONE UNDERSTNDS ME! 

IronMan: … 

BornToBeWild: BTW what’s your password? Coulson doesn't even know that I'm using his username to hack into his private accounts. 

IronMan: Ooo scary~

Hawkeye: You don't even know how to hack. 

BornToBeWild: I don't need to. I have FRIDAY doing it for me, I just need the password...

IronMan: OI STOP USING MY THINGS! 

Hawkeye: Does it count as hacking if you’re using the password? 

BornToBeWild: Shhh.

**-**

**April 21st**

**-**

IronMan: Okay, which one of you glitter bombed my lab? I just want to talk. 

DON'T LEAVE ME ON READ YOU FUCKS

PeterParkour: ╭〻◕`w´◕〻╮

IronMan: I know it wasn't you Peter, It happened while I was taking you and your aunt out to dinner last night. 

PeterParkour: It could have been me!!! 

IronMan: Was it? 

PeterParkour: … No... but it COULD have been! I'm capable of sneaking! I can prank people too! I'll show you! 

IronMan: This isn't a competition!?? No one prank me!

WHY DO I HEAR LAUGHING?!! 

Steve: Bucky told me to tell you that this is strike one?????????????? 

PeterParkour: Ooooo strike one! :0 ! 

IronMan: That's it, none of you are allowed to live with me anymore, get your own damn houses! 

I never agreed for you to be here anyway. Especially YOU Barton, stop getitng cereal in my GODDAMN VENTS! 

Hawkeye: I’ve joined Bucky's side. 

IronMan: OF what?! 

Hawkeye: I like Bucky’s aesthetic (and you’ll never get me out. NEVER). 

IronMan: … I stand by my statement. He rubbed shoe polish over his eyes. 

BornToBeWild: D: There was a lack of decent makeup in the 40s!!! 

Nat: At least he’s making a statement, unlike your ugly-ass glasses. 

IronMan: THERE’S NOTHTING WRONG WITH MY SUNGLASSES!!!

HOW DARE YOU!!! 

THE AUDACITY! 

Bucky could at least stop destroying my kitchen with his terrible attempts to cook! 

BornToBeWild: THAT’S STRIKE TWO.

IronMan: YOU BROKE MY BLENDER!! (and tried to put walnuts in the coffee grinder)

BornToBeWild: IT BROKE ITSELF ON MY HAND! 

-

Hawkeye: So, Bucky is chasing Tony around while throwing the pies he made earlier at him.

He’s screaming strike 2 as he throws them. I guess to prove he can cook? 

Steve: Normally I'd be on Tony's side about the eye makeup, but since I can hear him screaming from here, I think I'll just let Bucky do as he likes. 

Nat: As much as I think you’re all idiots, I want to move into Tony's house too so I can watch all the crazy happen live.

Falcon: Same.

BornToBeWild: JOIN US! :D 

IronMan: YOU’RE ALL BANNED FROM MALIBU, IF I SEE YOU I SHOOT YOU DOWN

MassMurderInStyle: …

IronMan: except you Lokes 

MassMurderInStyle: I just thought you should know, Thor threw a pizza at the wall and threw himself out the window to buy another one. 

Falcon: Well now I’m definitely coming, I need to see Stark have a meltdown in person

IronMan: There are no meltdowns. There are only Avengers that are alive, and Avengers that are about to be dead. 

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark is scary when he wants to be :0 ! 

MassMurderInStyle: I’m so proud right now! 

**-**


	3. FrostIron is Canon, don't @ me

**Chapter 3:**

  
  
  


**April 28th**

**-**

Bruce Banner: Is there a reason you have put parkour in your name Peter? Other than it being wordplay. 

PeterParkour: Well, being Spiderman I'm pretty good at parkour ;oooo 

BornToBeWild: YOU;RE SPIDERMAN!?!

PeterParkour: Mr. Barnes? Didn’t you already know that? 〳 ᓀ ﹏ ᓂ 〵

BornToBeWild: No I didn;T! I thought you were just an adorable child that Tony had stolen / was trying to adopt!

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THE ONE THAT CALLED MY ARM COOL THEN THREW WEBS ALL OVER ME!!!

PeterParkour: But your arm is cool!!! (๑>ᴗ<๑) 

BornToBeWild: YOU CAUFHT MY PUNCH TYJ! 

**BornToBeWild has added Falcon to the chat**

BornToBeWild: THIS CHILD IS SPIDERMAN! 

PeterParkour: Yeah??? 

Steve: Peter. You caught one of Bucky's punches? Weren't you like 15? 

Falcon: …. So many questions…. So little time… 

IronMan: YOU WHAT?!? 

WHEN WERE YOU PUNCHING PETER? 

WE NEED TO TALK, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!? 

BornToBeWild: You let a child take part in that you vs us fight!!! It wasn't my fault!!! I BLAME SAM! 

IronMan: I only brought Peter to annoy Steve! Not to be a beating dummy for you shits! 

PeterParkour: I really appreciated being invited!! Besides, I am 17 now and 18 in August ₍₍ ◝(●˙꒳˙●)◜ ₎₎ So I am _#adult_

Steve: … 

IronMan: … 

Falcon: ….

MassMurderInStyle: … baby mortal.

PeterParkour: D:

Hawkeye: Well, this is fun. I feel like I should live post this conversation for my instagram. 

IronMan: DO NOT! The world does not know Peter is Spider Man yet, because he wont let me tell them…

PeterParkour: I'd much rather be a friendly neighbourhood spiderman Mr. Stark ♡〜٩( ˃́▿˂̀ )۶〜♡

BornToBeWild: Peter, come spar with me, I need to show you how to safely punch things. Sam, you’re coming, we gonna have fun.

PeterParkour: Okay? 

IronMan: YOU’D BETTER BE SAFE!

**-**

**May 15th**

**-**

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark! I found a cat! ITS FLUFFY! 

Thor: Be wary young Son of Stark, my brother often turns himself into adorable creatures in order to stab those around him.

Hawkeye: Son of Stark.

MassMurderInStyle: First of all. I only do that to you. Second, Anthony is showing me his latest inventions right now and I am certainly not a feline. 

IronMan: Third: Peter isn't my son! (yet). Don't kidnap cats Peter, it might belong to someone. 

PeterParkour: But it's raining outside D: and kitty doesn't have a collar… wait why did you say yet??? 

IronMan: When I get home I'll check it for tags. 

Hawkeye: **#** _MommaStark_

IronMan: Don't push it Barton. 

Thor: Brother, if you sense you are being followed, do not be alarmed. 

MassMurderInStyle: …

Steve: … 

MassMurderInStyle: Thor. Stop stalking us.

Thor: I would never stalk my own brother! On a date with a mortal whom I do not trust and is known to be a playboy! Why would I do that?! Hahahahahahahahaha! 

MassMurderInStyle: A date? 

IronMan: Well then...

**-**

**May 20th.**

-

IronMan: Alright idiots, you’re now all signed up for college. Including Loki and Thor who tried to ghost me, but I found them. I couldn’t get you all into MIT (because you’re dumb fucks) but I got you into an equally good school who wanted the prestigeeeeee. 

Bruce Banner: They were ghosting you? 

IronMan: Loki did, Thor was using his phone as extra padding in his armour… 

MassMurderInStyle: Thor is unhappy and now he won’t leave me alone. You will pay for this mortal. 

IronMan: Well I’m still alive, so come at me.

MassMurderInStyle: If you are asking for a fight I am quite happy to, I shall be bringing my knives. 

IronMan: I hope those knives can go through metal, Reindeer Games.

MassMurderInStyle: My knives can go through more than just metal Anthony. 

BornToBeWild: Please stop flirting!! I’m trying to cook spaghetti here! 

IronMan: WE’RE NOT FLIRTING! 

MassMurderInStyle: I figured this was how mortals interact with sublime Gods like myself.

Hawkeye: **@BornToBeWild** ...Can’t imagine you cooking spaghetti. 

BornToBeWild: Well you were flirting yesterday, I wanted to shove the two of you into a closet so you could get your feelings out. START DATING ALREADY!!!

MassMurderInStyle: Anthony? 

IronMan: FUCK YOU RACCOON EYES, Loki I’ll message you. 

Hawkeye: So, did neither of them realise the other was interested? Or were they just in denial?

Thor: MY FRIENDS! I HAVE DISCOVERED HOW TO TURN ON THE ‘NOTIFICATIONS’ PANEL ON THIS DEVICE!!

Hawkeye: Whelp.

Thor: MAN OF IRON DO NOT PLAY WITH MY BROTHERS FEELINGS! I MUST GO TO DEFEND MY BROTHERS HONOUR!!! 

Hawkeye: Thor you have caps locked turned on don’t you… 

PeterParkour: Thor Protecc, He attacc!

Hawkeye: He’ll give Tony a smacc!

Steve: What the hell are you two saying? 

PeterParkour: OwO

Bruce Banner: Well. 

Just so you guys know. Thor crashed through the window of the Avengers base and now Tony and Thor are arguing over Loki.

I think Tony is winning. 

Loki just turned up and threw Thor out of the window. 

I think Loki and Tony are dating now… No one tell Fury. he’d have an aneurysm.

PeterParkour: CONGRATULATIONS MR. STARK AND MR. LOKI! I ALWAYS SHIPPED YOU TOGETHER!! ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨ 

Steve: Shipped? 

PeterParkour: MY OTP IS CANON!

Nat: What even is this chat for? 

BornToBeWild: Well I’m using it to keep the NYPD off my trail, I don’t know why you guys are here. 

Steve: BUCKY!!! 

BornToBeWild: Oh no, my spaghetti is burning! 

PeterParkour: Oof

Steve: Wait, is that why there's a police scanner in our room?!? 

Nat: I just… I can’t with any of you. 

**Bruce Banner has changed their name to: Bruce.**

Bruce: :)

Falcon: I have a question…. Can I go to college with you guys? It sounds like fun

IronMan: I’ll shove you in with Cap and Raccoon eyes. 

Falcon: Yaay! We’re getting Team Cap back together!!! 

IronMan: I hate this.

  
  
  


-


	4. Stucky is also canon...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Stucky <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony: IronMan  
> Natasha: Nat  
> Hawkeye: Hawkeye  
> Thor: Thor  
> Loki: Loki, MassMurderInStyle, Frozen  
> Peter: PeterParkour, Peter, BestBoi  
> Bruce: BruceBanner, Bruce, Banner son of the holy seven PhDs, ScienceBro!   
> Steve: SteveRogers, Capsicle, Steve, CaptainRighteous   
> Bucky: Bucky, BornToBeWild, KennedyKilled007, HomicideWithTheHomies, TitaniumRaccoon, JesusChristSuperstar  
> Agent Coulson: Agent C, SpanglesFanboy  
> Sam: Falcon  
> Pepper: MissPotts  
> Deadpool: PiscinaDeLaMuerte  
> Matt Murdoch: Daredevil  
> Rhodey: WarMachine

**Chapter 4**

  
  


-

**June 5th**

-

PeterParkour: Oh my Goodness! I just got an acceptance letter and induction pack from MIT! I’M FREAKING OUT! I have graduation next week and they said they wanted to come in to talk to me about my course choices and options! W ESRDFGHJGFDFGHJk

Hawkeye: I can’t believe you just said ‘goodness’ 

IronMan: He is a good child that does not swear and has not been corrupted!!

PeterParkour: Fuck

IronMan: …

PeterParkour: ….

Please don’t ground me.

IronMan: This is why I don’t let you near the other Avengers. 

BornToBeWild: Congratulations on graduating Peter! I remember when I left school and went off to the army. And then Steve followed me and tried to fight my army friends around the back of a bar… I think he broke his nose. Ah. Good Times. 

Steve: … Why is it you only remember things about me fighting people?

BornToBeWild: I remember what is necessary. 

IronMan: **@PeterParkour** So. Why am I not invited to your graduation? 

PeterParkour: Oh, you don’t have to come Mr. Stark! You’ve already done so much for me and it would be boring for you to sit through a whole ceremony! 

IronMan: I’m going and Pepper and Happy say they want to come too. 

PeterParkour: ˭̡̞(◞⁎˃ᆺ˂)◞*✰ Mr. Stark!!

Steve: Congratulations kid! You have a bright future ahead of you. 

MassMurderInStyle: I am confused on why you would have a ceremony for moving to the next stage of your education but I would like to see the process of such an event… 

PeterParkour: You would like to come too Mr. Loki Sir?!? 

Hawkeye: I feel left out, I’m coming too! 

Bruce says he will go if Peter is comfortable with him coming. 

PeterParkour: d(๑꒪່౪̮꒪່๑)b

I have no words!! You are all welcome to come to my graduation, just… don’t hurt anyone or threaten any of my classmates… also  
maybe try to blend in? People don’t know I’m Spiderman and even though they know I work at Stark Industries I think they’d  
question all of you turning up… 

IronMan: He’s talking about you two villains. **@MassMurderInStyle @BornToBeWild**

MassMurderInStyle: I don’t know what you are insinuating. 

Steve: I think Peter was talking about you too Stark.

IronMan: LIES! 

BornToBeWild: Fine, I guess I’ll wear normal clothes 

PeterParkour: Mr. Barnes!!! No weapons except your arm which is not allowed to be used! 

BornToBeWild: _#Boring #LetMeBeFree_

Hawkeye: Who taught you how to use hashtags? 

BornToBeWild: Peter did! He made me a tweeter page too! 

PeterParkour: Twitter* 

BornToBeWild: Look at me I’m tweeting! 

IronMan: Obviously when I told you guys to leave Peter alone you took that as a challenge…

Bruce: Hey Peter, 

Do you still need to get supplies for MIT? We could go stationery shopping together if you like, I need to get back into note-taking  
and writing things out instead of just cheating like Tony does.

IronMan: How is it cheating when I invented the technology and I wrtie it all out into the system!! 

PeterParkour: Oh that would be amazing Dr. Banner! I have no idea what to expect for my classes so maybe you could impart some of your wisdom. 

IronMan: AHEM, I went to MIT!! 

Bruce: Let’s go now since Tony is busy with a meeting~! 

PeterParkour: ?? Okay! 

IronMan: … You think that’ll stop me?!?

-

BornToBeWild: Should we be worried about the conversation from earlier? 

It has been half an hour, but I have a bad feeling. 

I asked my twitter where they went but no one has answered me 

Steve: I’m sure if it’s something to worry about it will be on the news… I’ve not used Twitter but I don’t think it works that way??? Does it??? 

BornToBeWild: That’s… true… 

I’ll make it work. 

So, do you have an idea of what you’d like to do for your classes? 

Steve: I haven’t thought about it much.

It’s a little annoying that we have to go to college now out of the blue. I never was that 

interested in school. But since Tony has gone out of his way to pay for us all I guess I will try something in law and  
see if it is interesting, I’d like to know more for the sake of hero work.

BornToBeWild: Wow, your heart of gold is shining through, it blinds my eyes. 

Steve: Bucky….. 

BornToBeWild: You should try some art classes! You always liked art, right?!? I think that was you. I distinctly remember saying ‘stop drawing me, punk’. 

Steve: Yes you have said that to me, back in the day, but it has been a long time, Buck. 

Nat: As thrilling as this conversation is. I think you guys should know that Tony just ran into the store Peter and Bruce went to and started squirting Bruce with a spray gun. 

Steve: ...I 

Why? 

Nat: Don’t ask me, these guys are idiots. 

Steve: I haven’t been this confused since I found out cigarettes cause asthma 

BornToBeWild: THEY WAHT??! 

Steve: RIGHT!! If I ever see the doctor that prescribed me cigarettes back in the 40s, I’m going to have very stern words with him! 

BornToBeWild: I AM CONFUSION 

Nat: … Riiiiiiight, you do that. 

Bruce is now using a mop as a weapon to deflect the water gun. 

Steve: How do you know this? 

Nat: I wanted to keep an eye on them, Bruce has been pretty calm lately but I figured Stark was about to pull something considering his last message. I have faith that Bruce won’t hulk out but I’m on standby just in case.

Steve: You need backup? 

Nat: Naw, 

Bruce is now throwing marshmallows at Tony while Peter is shouting at them to stop, and security guards are staring at  
them too scared to get involved with the Avengers. 

… Bruce just pulled out some papers and is shoving them in Tony’s face. They look like copies of his many PhD papers… 

I wish I had some popcorn. 

BornToBeWild: Oh! Steve I need to go shopping, we can go check on them while I buy things! 

Nat: I’ll send the location 

Steve: … I just… want peace... For one day? Please? 

Falcon: Tony just grabbed a six pack of soda, come quick! 

BornToBeWild: _*airplane emoji* *airplane emoji*_

  
  


**-**

**July 1st**

**-**

Bruce: Why is there a picture of me throwing marshmallows at Tony’s head on Twitter?

Hawkeye: I just love the tired expression Peter has as he stares into the camera 

Falcon: I love the light slowly leaving Tony’s eyes. 

PeterParkour: I just… wanted to buy a notebook ,_, 

BornToBeWild: >:3c Tweet Tweet Bitches. 

IronMan: Bucky I will delete that fucking page, you’ve had it a week and you’re always at the tweet limit. 

BornToBeWild: Nooo, it’s my life, stay away! 

Bruce: Steve, is he okay?

Steve: I… really don’t know, Bucky has had a hard time, just let him be happy

BornToBeWild: <3 Thanks babe I love you 

Steve: wHt?/

Falcon: it’s jhappeniong efrgcfthyuidfg

PeterParkour: :0 I can’t believe Stucky is happening right before my eyes.

Steve: Ihyehrjfkhshtytj

IronMan: Did they really just start making out in my fucking living room? 

Hawkeye: Yeah, right in front of my salad. 

IronMan … you actually have a salad? I don’t even buy vegetables?? How??? 

Hawkeye: _#forthememes_  
  
  
  


-


	5. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's B-day and first day of college !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have I mentioned that Tony can spell but cannot type/text for shit XDD

**Chapter 5**

-

**August 10th**

**-**

IronMan: Happy Bitrhday Peter! 

Bruce: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

PeterParkour: ☆ﾟ･*:｡.:(ﾟ∀ﾟ)ﾟ･*:..:☆

See! Now I’m an adult!! 

Hawkeye: No, you’re just an older child. 

PeterParkour: >:C 

Hawkeye: But Happy Birthday

Nat: Happy Birthday Peter!! 

PeterParkour: Thank you! ヾ(｡･ω･｡)

BornToBeWild: Congratulations on being old enough to smoke! 

Steve: BucKY DO NOT! 

Happy Birthday! 

BornToBeWild: <_< >_>

What’s the problem? I don’t smoke… anymore  
(since you told me about the bad things that happen when you do)

Steve: WHEN DID YOU SMOKE TO BEGIN WITH?!?

BornToBeWild: Some points in the 80s… pretty sure I smoked back in the 40s too Steve (pretty sure you thought I looked cool too)

IronMan: … It does look cool… 

Steve: DO NOT!

BornToBeWild: Fine, don’t worry Peter I’ll think of another present to get you 

Steve: A LEGAL PRESENT. 

BornToBeWild: Darn. 

IronMan: You’ll see my prseent for you when you get home from school kid

PeterParkour: :0 ! presents? 

Bruce: Birthday presents. Because... birthdays.

PeterParkour: **:-0** <https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/431/201/40f.png>

BornToBeWild: Now hear me out. 

Steve: Whatever it is, no. 

BornToBeWild: …. Giant tarantulas are both legal and match him. 

PeterParkour: I love tarantulas!!! 

Steve: PETER ORNHJRTKTL

IronMan: No Spiders anywhere near me. N.O.

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark, Mr. Rogers, are you both scared of spiders? :0 

Hawkeye: Ew spiders are nasty. No offence Peter.

PeterParkour: (´；Д；｀)

Steve: No, but I’m certain that Bucky will try to get you a poisonous one which he is NOT doing. 

BornToBeWild: Pet shop here I come. 

Steve: I CAN SEE YOU SEARCHING EBAY, DO NOT!!! 

PeterParkour: What about you, Mr. Stark?

IronMan: …

I’m not scraed of anything

But spiders crawl on you. 

And have too many eyes. 

And tarantuales are large and have hair all over them. 

What I’m saying is, keep it the fuck away from me. 

PeterParkour: Will do, Mr. Stark （*▽*ゞ

Hawkeye: some Hawks eat tarantulas you know! 

PeterParkour: … Do you want to eat a spider Mr. Barton?

Hawkeye: … well this conversation got weird. 

-

PeterParkour: She is a Cobalt Blue Tarantula and I named her Ty Lee~ 

#AmazingAvatarCharacter

BornToBeWild: :3

Hawkeye: Ya’ll’re demon spawn

BornToBeWild: Demon spawn that fight assholes

Steve: You did good Bucky, now put away that police scanner or I will make you. 

BornToBeWild: :C 

-

**September 4th**

-

IronMan: Alright Kiddies! First day of school, I want each of you at your respective colleges on time for your registration and student meetings. **@Hawkeye** If you don’t go I will tell Coulson. 

Hawkeye: Rude. 

PeterParkour: omgomgomgomgomgomg I’m freaking out Mr. Stark! I’ve been up since 6am preparing everything I need. What if I forget everything I know and they kick me out!

IronMan: Just remember to breathe kid. You’ll be fine. I’ll give you a ride to campus. 

PeterParkour: Oh, thank you, but it’s okay! Since Ned went abroad for his studies I’ve been getting the train a lot, it’ll give me time to panic and reread the induction booklet. 

IronMan: … You realise it will take you several hours to get there, right?

PeterParkour: I can do the last hour in like 20 minutes as Spiderman :>

IronMan: Okay kid, just don’t be late.   
**@Hawkeye** I know you’re not out of bed yet you lazy fuck! 

Hawkeye: Whatever happened to not corrupting Peter with swear words. 

IronMan: if he is referring to you it’s an exception. 

Hawkeye: Meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan~ 

Here I am. 

IronMan: ...Why are you eating pasta?

Hawkeye: It’s breakfast.

IronMan: …Get out of my fucking kitchen. 

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark, you’re swearing a lot this morning. 

IronMan: Just making sure you all get to classes on time. **@Steve @BornToBeWild** I hope you are awake! 

Steve: I’m wide awake Tony, I went for an early morning run around New York. 

BornToBeWild: I went with him~! 

IronMan: I hate you both. Gross. Why would you wake up at unholy o'clock to run!? And neither of you even put the coffee machine on. 

Steve: That’s because we don’t drink coffee, and don’t pretend that you don’t get up early to exercise Tony, I’ve seen you kickboxing.

BornToBeWild: Steve won’t let me drink coffee! He says I get too stabby! Which is a lie. I've never stabbed anyone in my entire life ever. 

Steve: You threatened to stab the Starbucks manager last week. 

BornToBeWild: MY COFFEE WAS COLD! WHERE IS MY REFUND?!? 

Steve: It was an ice tea, Buck. 

PeterParkour: Yikes! I believe that Mr. Barnes threatens to stab, but he is too nice to actually do it, he is more like Loki, he will cause trouble but no one really gets hurt. (´≖ ‸ ≖｀)

MassMurderInStyle: This is why you are my minions. 

Nat: 80 people. Two days. 

Loki: That one doesn't count. I was in a bad mood that day.

Anthony, I do not know where I am expected to go for this midgardian   
academia, but Thor is on vacation with the mortal with the shrill voice. 

IronMan: ...Jane?

MassMurderInStyle: If that is how she refers to herself. I thought it was Stwurgle. 

Clint: Is that a word? 

IronMan: I’m sending a jet to pick him up then. And I’ll come get you now, just tell me where you are… or come to the tower and don’t be on a random island again. 

MassMurderInStyle: I’m certain this plan of yours will fall through within the day Anthony. 

Hawkeye: Why can’t I call you Anthony?

IronMan: Call me that again and you’re going down the garbage shoot. And yes, I will have one installed. Just for you to get thrown down it. 

Nat: Since I never told you where to apply to I assume you did it for me.

IronMan: I’ll send you the address. 

Nat: ...This… How did you even? 

IronMan: Fury approved it. You’re welcome. 

Nat: You may wish to hide the kitchen knives this evening Stark. 

BornToBeWild: I hope college has this much talk about killing and stabbing people, otherwise it’ll be a dull day.

PeterParkour: I’m on the train now~ Totally anime style eating toast ヾ(・∀・｀*)ﾉ☆

BornToBeWild: What is an anime? 

PeterParkour: ... Don’t worry Bucky, I’ll show you later. 

IronMan: If I hear that shit in my house I will be the one using the kitchen knives. 

PeterParkour: *。ヾ(｡>ｖ<｡)ﾉﾞ*。   
  
┏○ ＼(ﾟ 0ﾟ ;)/┓   
  
☆*~ﾟ⌒(‘-‘*)⌒ﾟ~*☆   
  
೭੧(❛▿❛✿)੭೨   
  
ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧

IronMan: ...No more sugary breakfast cereals. 

PeterParkour: But I ate toast (◕︿◕✿) 

IronMan: And how much coffee? 

PeterParkour: ....I didn’t have coffee…. I had a matcha latte

IronMan: Banned.

-

Steve: In case you are interested, Bucky and I are now heading towards our registration. We have a student meeting after to get to know people in the university. Everyone is so youthful. 

Bruce: ‘youthful’ pfft.

MassMurderInStyle: I’ve found the library! 

IronMan: LOKI GO TO REGISTRATION! 

MassMurderInStyle: I sent a clone in my place, I’ve just found my new lair. 

PeterParkour: I’m almost there now, I’m reading books on calculus and physics on the train~ but it’s making me travel sick… 

IronMan: Child. Please.

Hawkeye: Ew, math, evil. 

PeterParkour: I don't mind math. 

I had to do a calculus exam a few days ago because I need to  
join physics courses during the semester. 

But I don’t know if I have more tests to do before starting, Mr. Stark  
has got me a place but that doesn’t mean I can’t get kicked out! and  
since I want to major in biochemical engineering not just biochemistry  
or engineering I need to find out what courses I can take during first year  
to get me on the major I want~ 

I’ve already been checking the biology classes I can sign up for in my  
freshman year but I won’t get to declare my major until the spring  
semester so I’ll probably take a few classes to test things out while sticking  
to lots of science and math. 

… if I double in photography will people be mad?

Hawkeye: I gotta be honest, i didn't read half of what you just said.

IronMan: Kid you’re worrying too much. Drink your adorable latte and chill. Do what you like.

PeterParkour: I caaaaaaan’t chillllllllllllllll. I’m going to look at my chem books again. 

Bruce: Don’t worry Tony, I’ll make sure Peter doesn’t blow a fuse at MIT today. 

PeterParkour: I’m heading towards registration~ omgomgomgomg! 

Bruce: This may be harder than I thought. 

-

IronMan: The good news is I found Thor and got him to campus on time for his registration. The bad news is I think he’s going to be a jock. 

-

PeterParkour: Since I need to take some Humanities, Arts, and Social Sciences subjects I think I’ll take a language and some other things I’m interested in. Any languages advice?

BornToBeWild: Russian!!! 

Steve: Bucky get off your phone. 

IronMan: Choose a language you like kid. _italianitalianitalianitalian_

PeterParkour: hmmm… Ooo! Big brain idea! _#ExpandedMind_

IronMan: ?? I assume that’s a good thing. 

-

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark. Did I just see you on campus with a mocha cappuccino? 

IronMan: Excuse you, it was six espressos in a coffee cup. 

PeterParkour: OwO

Hawkeye: Put that damn owo face away! 

PeterParkour: TwT

Bruce: Could it be that you are also taking a university course Tony? 

IronMan: Bitch I might be. I figrued that if you can get 8 PhDs then i can clear a four year coruse in two months.

PeterParkour: I don’t think it works that way Mr Stark. 

But good luck with your classes! Omg I can’t believe I'm in the  
same university as Bruce BAnner and Tony Stark!!!

Steve: I can’t believe Bucky shared cookies with the other students.

IronMan: ...Why?

BornToBeWild: I figured I needed to make a good impression after you said “I’m Steve Rogers, 80 years old, I was frozen for a while so please go easy on me” 

Steve: I was being honest!! 

BornToBeWild: You were being a dweeb! 

Steve: Don’t be rude! and next time we have a class stop trying to intimidate the teacher.

BornToBeWild: You were the intimidating one! You kept flexing your muscles!

Steve: No I was not! 

BornToBeWild: Then why did you wear a tight shirt! 

Steve: All shirts are tight on me! 

Hawkeye: Okay, can I just spy on Bucky and Steve’s classes instead of going to me own? It sounds way more entertaining.

IronMan: No you shit! Now go to registration, I know yuo’re in the starbucks next to the university.

Hawkeye: HEY! When did you put a tracker on me!? 

IronMan: Heh.

Bold of you to assume I need trackers to know where you stupid  
kids are at all times of the day. 

You all have your first day of classes tomorrow (I know your damn  
schedules) so I expect you all to be there

MassMurderInStyle: Well that may be difficult for Thor, I just watched him get carted off. 

IronMan: ………. You know, I'm somehow not surprised… but why? 

MassMurderInStyle: I don’t know, I saw it from the library window. 

IronMan: … You better pass your classes Lokes or I’m making you pay the money bcak in full and I doubt you have midgardian cash. 

MassMurderInStyle: True, but I can provide Asgardian technology in exchange. 

Steve: Tony, If we aren’t allowed to quit then neither can your insane boyfriend! 

IronMan: Okay but… I want the technology… 

MassMurderInStyle: And I want my own library, build one for me.

IronMan: ...What if Loki quits but studies in his own time? And I get the tech. 

BornToBeWild: Then I can do the same!!! 

IronMan: No, you must study properly.

BornToBeWild: D: buuuut I wanna hang out with my friends insteadddddd

IronMan: What friends?! You literally only ever talk to Capsicle!!! 

BornToBeWild: LIES I HAVE TONS OF FRIENDS!!! JUST ASK SAM! 

IronMan: Sam is more like an annoying dog that follows Cap aronud. I’ve never seen you with any friends ever. If you have them, then where are they Barnes?

Falcon: Ouch... that hurts.

BornToBeWild: ...That’s strike three

Hawkeye: World meet uncaffeinated Tony Stark. 

Nat: Tony stop projecting your issues onto the rest of us 

IronMan: I’VE HAD NO ISSEUS EVER IN MY ENITRE LIFE 

Nat: Sure Jan. (that’s a meme.) 

Bruce: (not touching that convo with a 10-foot barge pole)  
Is no one going to find out what happened to Thor? 

Hello? 

…

It isn’t wise to ignore me you know. 

Nat: They’re probably just being idiots. 

Bruce: How did your registration go? 

Nat: Don’t ask. 

This day has been too long, I may just dip into my savings and shove Tony’s  
money into his face rather than go through this for three or four years. 

Then again… I kinda want to shove it in his face that I did it. 

Bruce: It is strange that Director Fury and Agent Coulson wants us to go to college now, since we’re all over the age of 40 (except Peter) and most of the others don’t even know what college is for. 

Hawkeye: I’m enjoying it!! 

Nat: Well they have a weird sense of humour. 

Besides, I'm pretty sure they are just using this as an excuse to get us  
out of the way and later it'll blow up in our faces. 

But, I think it’ll be good for Steve and Bucky, they might find something  
enjoyable to do instead of just constant hero work (or in Bucky’s case, villain  
work?since he has started therapy Bucky has decided he wants to be a minor  
villain of his own volition). 

  
  


Bruce: Yes it does seem that way, but Steve said he’d keep him in line. I’m more worried about Thor and Loki, they’re still not very familiar with midgardian customs and now we’re throwing them into academia. Hopefully nothing explodes. 

PeterParkour: Don’t worry! Mr Loki sent me a message earlier and told me he has set up camp in the library of his college. He said he is just there to read as much as he can about us mortals! 

Bruce: ...were those his exact words? 

PeterParkour: I think his exact message was: ‘you miserable mortals have some fascinating cultures, I will judge them by my own eyes’ and now he is reading a book on ancient civilisations. 

Nat: …

When he starts murdering people again it’s on Tony to stop him. 

They are dating after all, Tony needs to make sure he doesn’t destroy the city. 

PeterParkour: ༼つ☉┏益┓⊙༽つ 

-


	6. Steve Fights Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into a few of their classes.
> 
> (Just realised I'm a bit mean to Steve whoops)

**Chapter 6**

-

**September 8th**

-

IronMan: Peter what is that _abomination_ you last sent? 

PeterParkour: It’s a face with a moustache 

IronMan: … 

PeterParkour: o(ﾟ┏∀┓ﾟo)

IronMan: I’m banning all emote faces

PeterParkour: ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ‸இﾟ)ﾟ｡

IronMan: Grounded!

PeterParkour: you can’t ground me you don’t have the authority! 

**IronMan has invited MissPotts to the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

**MissPotts has joined the chat room**

IronMan: Pepper ground him! 

MissPotts: Tony… 

PeterParkour: I have done nothing wrong in my entire life 

BornToBeWild: I know this and I love you

PeterParkour: <3 

Hawkeye: I live for Bucky learning memes. 

IronMan: You’re all grounded 

I hope you have ALL been going to class. 

PeterParkour: I am surprised you know memes as well as you do Mr. Barton

Hawkeye: Yeah well, I get bored on the internet a bit too often.

Thor: I have indeed been going to my classes Man of Iron, they are quite amusing for me! 

Hawkeye: Uh, what classes are you taking Thor? 

Thor: I have been enrolled in some sort of war strategy campaign in which I may impart my knowledge onto others. 

IronMan: He joined a D&D group ^

Falcon: Oh Jesus Christ. 

Hawkeye: ...Somehow, I can imagine Thor being a great D&D leader. 

IronMan: Ugh. 

He’s actually now part of a bunch of courses on Military Science and... I don’t know how it happened.  
He got sent away from the university I sent him to... 

Thor: Lady Darcy informed me that this place would be more compatible with my own knowledge! 

MassMurderInStyle: Who taught him big words? I’m surprised his brain is keeping up.

Thor: BROTHER! I have also been learning Midgardian science words! Do you think Lady Jane will be impressed?!

MassMurderInStyle: … So. In other news, I am going to find the descendants of those who burned the Library of Alexandria and murder them in their sleep.

BornToBeWild: Can I help? 

PeterParkour: I do not condone killing.

But MJ says it wasn’t really burned and actually only declined over time…

She says Julius Caesar did burn parts of it though ?

MassMurderInStyle: Intriguing, I will have to do more reading on the subject before I start polishing my knives. I need to know exactly who to kill after all. 

BornToBeWild: Whenever you’re ready I’m on board. 

IronMan: I mean, I could go get my time travel shit together and we can go back in time and see it for ourselves. 

Steve: AHEM! 

BornToBeWild: Noooo Steve! Give me back my onion peeler! 

IronMan: I mean… theoreticerly I could do that… Chances are we’d all never have been born because we stepped on a butterfly or something, but… 

PeterParkour: DOES TIME TRAVEL ACTUALLY WORK LIKE THAT MR.STARK?!?

IronMan: No, if you want real details go ask Cap;s weird Ant friend, but I do know fucked up shit can happen and it’s likelly we wouldn’t be able to time travel back to this tiem as events would have changed.

Steve: What is the Alexandria Library and why exactly are you guys about to commit murder or possible current world destruction over it? 

MassMurderInStyle: I’m glad you asked Captain frozen-too-long-to-have-a-brain. 

The Great Library of Alexandria was a marvellous creation that held the books of research, literature, science, math,  
all kinds of wonderful things that were important to your tiny species progression. 

And yet, as you mortals are so tiny in your brains, you decided to burn it all to the ground. If what the young spider  
child says is true and the knowledge was not burned then I will have to look into what exactly happened to the wonderful  
books~ And maybe get my hands on some of them! 

IronMan: Number 1: Using that nickname from now on. Number 2: No steeling. 

**IronMan has changed Steve’s name to CaptainFrozenTooLongToHaveABrain**

**CaptainFrozenTooLongToHaveABrain has changed his name to Steve**

Steve: Do not!!! 

So what, stealing is bad but murder is okay?

IronMan: It’s fiiiiine, he wouldn’t murder anyone (without telling me first and then I can stop him).

Anyway, only Thor answered me. Have the REST of you been going to your classes? 

PeterParkour: Of course Mr. Stark! 

IronMan: Peter I know you have, you spend most evenings in my lab trying to recreate experiments you saw your teachers do in class. 

PeterParkour: ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

IronMan: What did I say about those faces? 

PeterParkour: ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

IronMan: ... No. 

PeterParkour: ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

IronMan: I will kick you from the chat! 

MissPotts: No, he won’t. He’s smiling

PeterParkour: (ﾉﾟ⊿ﾟ)ﾉ

IronMan: BETRAYAL! FROM MY OWN HOME! THERE ARE TRATIORS IN THE HOUSE OF STARK! 

BornToBeWild: I can confirm that Steve and I have been going to classes together. (I have two classes without Steve but he makes me hand over my weapons before I go in). We are taking an introduction to law class and Steve keeps trying to fight the teacher. 

Steve: I’m not trying to fight the teacher! 

Falcon: Didn’t you get into an argument over the first amendment 

Steve: I was just trying to make a point about free speech! And not censoring something just because your personal opinion of it is bad! 

BornToBeWild: All he said was: ‘Please stop talking about the military while I’m giving my lecture. The military is worthless anyway’ 

Steve: He said the military was useless and we shouldn’t have one! He didn’t acknowledge that without one we would be unprotected to attacks, you can’t just remove the military. I want peace as much as everyone else does and in a perfect world that would be the case, but in this world we have aliens up our asses every other week and the military needs to be able to respond! 

PeterParkour: :0 ! I don’t know much about the military but I think we do more of the alien fighting than they do!! 

Steve: … The military help

Falcon: ...riiight. 

IronMan: Cackling. 

BornToBeWild: Hmmmm, I think he was saying that in relation to all the people that die for no reason, or claiming natural resources and justifying it with war, not like, the military in general being bad.

Steve: He didn’t say that.

Falcon: He did after you started preaching ;)

Steve: I don’t preach, I was making a point. 

BornToBeWild: ...Well you know, I was trying to listen to the lecture, and you were getting in the way. 

Steve: Buuuuuuuuuuuuucky!!! The teacher was a lot ruder than you are making him out to be. And you were part of the military too, you don’t dislike it right? 

BornToBeWild: Uhhhhh, I mean, I hate governments and what they do with the military and how they make secret organisations that brainwash people into becoming soldiers? 

Steve: …

BornToBeWild: But sure, the actual army and stuff was pretty good, we did good~ 

Steve: Do you want a hug? 

BornToBeWild: That would be nice.

IronMan: Well, now I have many more questions. 

I think you guys should take some history classes… So you can learn a… not particularly biased version of what happened??? 

BornToBeWild: I’d rather watch Steve get red and puffy hehehe. 

Steve: … 

BornToBeWild: I still think you’d be good at art classes.

Steve: I’ll look into it. 

PeterParkour: I appreciate you Mr. Rogers! 

Steve: Thanks kid. 

-

MassMurderInStyle: After sending my clone to several classes and reading half the books in this library I have decided what I wish to pursue, stay posted for more. 

Bruce: ??? stay posted to what ??? 

PeterParkour: MR. LOKI YOU ONLY NEED TO SAY THAT FOR BLOGGING!!!

IronMan: I can’t tell if Peter is corrupting the Avengers or if the Avengers are corrupting him. 

PeterParkour: I’m not corrupting anyone! :C  
Am I?  
I’m just showing you guys current culture! :0

I’m out on patrol right now anyway, I’m watching the city from above! 

IronMan: … Peter please get down from the empire state building, you’re going to give me a heart attack. 

PeterParkour: It’s not too bad Mr. Stark, it’s not even that windy today~

**PeterParkour has added Spiderman to the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

Spiderman: This is my spidey account I usually use for instagram~ I’ll use this when I’m patrolling just in case something happens~ 

IronMan: You instagram while patrolling? 

Spiderman: Sometimes? It’s the fastest way for me to contact the NYPD. 

IronMan: … 

MassMurderInStyle: I’m going to join you spider child. 

I’d like to get a good view of the area I am going to destroy tomorrow  
Not that I plan to destroy anything of course.

Forget you saw this.

Steve: … I CAN’T TELL IF HE IS JOKING OR NOT??? TONY! 

IronMan: Uhhh, it may be a bad time to tell you that Loki met up with some villains last night and now he’s feeling a bit more chaotic than usual. 

BornToBeWild: I wasn’t invited! :( 

MassMurderInStyle: Next time you can come. (Let me message you about the details for tomorrow, or not tomorrow, who knows~)

Steve: Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

-

-

**Loki has created the chatroom Stabby Bros**

MassMurderInStyle: Be in central station at 10am 

BornToBeWild: <3 <3 <3 <3 

**-**

**-**

**September 9th**

**-**

Steve: TONY CONTROL YOUR FROST-GIANT BOYFRIEND 

IronMan: But he looks so happy. 

Steve: NO! 

IronMan: I mean, technically they're not hurting anyone? Villainy is fine if no one gets hurt right?

Steve: THAT IS NOT HOW THE LAW WORKS!! 

IronMan: Bucky is there too...

Steve: I WILL ARREST ALL OF YOU FUCKERS!! 

IronMan: Language Capsicle! 

Steve: TONY!

-


	7. Strike Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're all dumb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony: IronMan  
> Natasha: Nat  
> Hawkeye: Hawkeye  
> Thor: Thor  
> Loki: Loki, MassMurderInStyle, Frozen  
> Peter: PeterParkour, Peter, BestBoi  
> Bruce: BruceBanner, Bruce, Banner son of the holy seven PhDs, ScienceBro!   
> Steve: SteveRogers, Capsicle, Steve, CaptainRighteous   
> Bucky: Bucky, BornToBeWild, KennedyKilled007, HomicideWithTheHomies, TitaniumRaccoon, JesusChristSuperstar  
> Agent Coulson: Agent C, SpanglesFanboy  
> Sam: Falcon  
> Pepper: MissPotts  
> Deadpool: PiscinaDeLaMuerte  
> Matt Murdoch: Daredevil  
> Rhodey: WarMachine

**Chapter 7**

**September 14th**

-

IronMan: Whoever said college courses were hard? This is the easiest shit I’ve ever done.  
Easier than when I made DUM-E when I was a teenager 

PeterParkour: What classes are you taking Mr. Stark? I’m surprised you joined us, I thought you’d take a PhD like Dr. Banner. 

IronMan: I will take a PhD after I have completed this silly course. It’s ‘required’ (ridiculous, I am a genius, billionaire.) I have already completed all of the assessments for the classes I’m taking this semester, so I just have to wait until the end of the semester for the exam period. I will graduate next semester and no one can stop me.

PeterParkour: :0 ! Graduating in only one year?! I don’t think that’s how it works, but that’s amazing Mr. Stark!  
I already feel behind because I stayed up helping with that fire downtown last night and then had to finish doing my homework,  
I’m half done with the coursework due next week though!

IronMan: Kid, go to sleep on time, the firefighters can deal with fires. 

PeterParkor: >:0 but they can’t run through flames like I can. 

IronMan: … CAN YOU? YOU’RE NOT FIREPROOF!?! 

PeterParkour: No, but my suit is... Which you should know since you made it Mr. Stark~~~ (cough i may have made some modifications)

IronMan: Just so you know, I am audibly sighing at you. Don’t get hurt kid. 

Steve: I think it’s great that you help out so much Peter! Just remember to take it easy some days, don’t overwork yourself. 

PeterParkour: Evil never rests!

MassMurderInStyle: It’s true. 

BornToBeWild: Mhmm, I haven’t slept in 36 hours. 

Steve: … Bucky. Where are you? 

BornToBeWild: You think I’d tell you? 

IronMan: Meh, 36 hours isn’t that bad. He’ll be fine.

Steve: TONY! Don’t encourage him! Bucky come home and sleep! 

BornToBeWild: You can’t tell me what to do! _#12thRedBull_

IronMan: When he is still functioning on 50+ hours of being awake he’ll be on my level. 

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark… I think you should find a way to sleep. 

IronMan: I think you shouldn’t run into burning buildings. 

PeterParkour: Hmmm… （￢з￢）

BornToBeWild: My only escape is death 

Hawkeye: Big mood.

Steve: Bucky?!?!?? 

BornToBeWild: Catch me on the tweeter.

Steve: THAT IS NOT A THING!

-

BornToBeWild: Hey Peter are you busy right now? 

PeterParkour: No, I’m just playing with TyLee~ 

Hawkeye: _#DemonSpawn #EwSpiders_

BornToBeWild: Great! I want to introduce you to my friend :) 

PeterParkour: Oh sure! 

BornToBeWild: **@IronMan** Strike three 

IronMan: WhaT?!? 

PeterParkour: :0!!!! I forgot about strike three!!! 

Wait, Bucky why is strike three introducing me to one of your friends? 

BornToBeWild: Come in your Spiderman suit.

IronMan: AWERTRDCYFFGGH!

FRIDAY WON’T LET YOU OUT OF THE BUILDING YOU HEATHAN!!! 

STOP BREAKING MY WINDOWS!!! 

-

Spiderman: Hey look, Bucky introduced me to his annoying friend, and we’re friends now! 

Spiderman: [https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BjnJ6jaIAAAp2ON?format=jpg&name=small](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BjnJ6jaIAAAp2ON?format=jpg&name=small)

IronMan: NO. N.O. NO. 

WHY ARE THESE THE KINDS OF FRIENDS YOU HAVE BARNES?!?!?!?

Spiderman: But he’s nice D: 

IronMan: STEP AWAY FROM THE LUNATIC! 

Spiderman: MR. STARK STOP CALLING ME 

IronMan: PICK UP THE PHONE BISH! 

BARNES WHERE ARE YOU! WHY HAVE YOU LEFT PETER WITH THAT THIGNSRDHJG?!”T?

BornToBeWild: _#StrikeThree_

Spiderman: MR. STARK WHY ARE THERE DRONES FOLLOWING ME?!? 

IronMan: If that insane mercenary tries something he’s getting nuked.

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU GREASE LIGHTNING?!? 

Spiderman: MR. STARK THIS IS ILLEGAL1 

BornToBeWild: _#YouKnowWhatYouDid_

IronMan: Its fine, Fury says I can acquire people's personal information illegally and use all the drones I want, as long as I give him money. 

**@BornToBeWild** I didn’t do anything!!! 

Spiderman: >:C Deadpool is going home now but I won’t let you be mean to him!!! 

Steve: Fury said whaT?!?. 

Falcon: i'm super confused right now, but pfft, Grease Lightning!

BornToBeWild: Yes you did, you insulted my makeup choices, my cooking, and my friends :) 

_#StrikeThree_

What is Grease Lightning? 

IronMan: serdtfghjyhtgrferdgtfhjhtgr

Bruce: hehehehe, he’s automatic, systematic, hydromatic 

BornToBeWild: ????????

Bruce: God, we need to show you Grease

Spiderman: Can you show me too! I’ve never seen it! 

Hawkeye: CHILD HOW OLD ARE YOU?!? 

Spiderman: 18!!! DDx

Nat: Baby Spider.

Spiderman: Noooooo! Σ(•’╻’• ۶)۶ 

Steve: Getting back to Tony illegally acquiring people's information and using DRONES TO STALK PEOPLE! 

IronMan: Look, I don't just go around stalking people, I only keep an eye on villains that can literally destroy the entire world, and find information about people that are obviously doing sketchy things… like robbing banks or threatening Peter. 

Steve: I don't like this at all. 

Falcon: To be fair, I think that's what Shield does anyway so...

IronMan: -shrug- law dosen't apply to me. 

Steve: SUPERVILLAIN MUCH?!?

IronMan: I never said I was a hero :) 

Spiderman: MR STARK USED AN EMOTIOCN!!! 

Bruce: IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!!!

Falcon: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

IronMan: Okay. Rude. 

-

 **September 16th**

-

Bruce: So. Did Peter live? I heard Tony screaming. 

IronMan: I was not! If that insane bastard comes around I will throw something! 

**@BornToBeWild** You are on my hitlist. 

BornToBeWild: -smug- 

PeterParkour: I just made a new friend ( ´•̥×•̥` )

Bruce: With a mercenary. 

PeterParkour: Yeah but you guys are friends with people like that! You’re even dating them! 

IronMan: What’s that supposed to mean? 

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark, you’re dating a God that wants to destroy the city. 

And Mr. Rogers is dating the guy that killed President Kennedy c〳 ݓ ﹏ ݓ 〵੭

Steve: HE FUCKING WHAT NOW?

BornToBeWild: PETER I DIDN’T TELL STEVE THAT YET!!! 

PeterParkour: Eh? I’m sorry! I thought that was common knowledge! OwO 

Steve: BUCKY COME HERE RIGHT NOW WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS! 

BornToBeWild: YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME SUCKER!!! 

IronMan: OI, PRINCE RACCOON EYES, YOU OWE ME ANOTHER NEW WINDOW!!! 

Bruce: You know, I’m starting to understand why people call us a dysfunctional family...

Peter: RIP Mr. Barnes My Friend. (̥ ̥এ́ ̼ এ̥̀)̥̥੭ੇʓ ੭ੇʓ

BornToBeWild: Not to point this out or anything. But Peter just called me his friend. Thus I have many friends **@Ironman**

IronMan: Yeah yeah, whatever.

Hawkeye: So, Bucky just ran down the street screaming and Steve tackled him to the ground. Now they’re both crying and hugging

IronMan: Sounds about right. 

-

**September 20th**

**-**

IronMan: Time for an update, how are you guys doing with your classes? 

Hawkeye: We have classes?

IronMan: Do not, Barton. 

Luckily I know you’ve been going to your classes becuase I called your teachers and made sure of it.

Althought they did say that you take your bow and spend half the class polishing it, claiming you are looking out for potiential threats. 

Hawkeye: It’s not a lie. 

Steve: You shouldn’t take weapons into the classroom. 

BornToBeWild: Excuse me Steve? Mr. I guess I’ll bring my shield today because I have a mission after class? 

Steve: Okay, that is different for two reasons. One, I actually did have a SHIELD mission after class, unlike Clint who just took his for fun. And two, my shield isn’t a weapon. 

IronMan: PFFT. NOT A WEAPON HE SAYS AS HE THEROWS IT THROUGH CONCRETE

Steve: … it’s a multifunctional piece of equipment. But still a shield. 

IronMan: My armour is multifunctional too. Certainly not a weapon 

Steve: Maybe if you didn’t use it like one. 

IronMan: Well maybe we should go a few rounds, see who's ‘multifunctional piece of equipment’ is stronger. 

Steve: … I’ll be in the gym later. Sparring only. 

Bruce: I’d better go to judge them or Tony will keep claiming Steve is cheating again. 

IronMan: Technically he is taking performance enhancing drugs!!! 

Steve: The super serum is not a drug!! And I don’t go around taking it, it was just that one time! 

BornToBeWild: It is kinda like a performance enhancer though. I remember how weedy you were before you took it. :V 

Steve: Weedy or not, I don’t take drugs. And neither should any of you. 

Hawkeye: I see Steve is turning into a Captain America ad again. 

Steve: Meaning? 

Hawkeye: I’ve seen the DvD’s they have in schools. 

Steve:.... Those were SHIELD’s idea. I didn’t want to do them. 

PeterParkour: I’ve watched those videos in my high school gym classes! And in detention 

IronMan: detention ? 

PeterParkour: ...it wasn’t my fault.. Spidey things get in the way and I get in trouble ┌༼ σ ‸ σ ༽┐ 

Bruce: Tony over here acting like he didn’t have detention every day. 

IronMan: No detention in the schools I went to! 

Though I think my MIT teachers would have liked to lock me out of the classroom a few times. 

MassMurderInStyle: What exactly is this detention? Is it like a detainment cell? 

IronMan: No Lokes, it just means you did soemthing bad at school so the teachers don’t let you have fun. 

MassMurderInStyle: Sounds like the place Thor needed to be his entire childhood. 

PeterParkour: Was Thor bad? :0 

MassMurderInStyle: He was the bane of every teacher’s existence. 

All he’d ever do was shout about adventure. 

Then he’d ditch class to explore a new realm and make me go with him. 

He only enjoyed his classes that involved fighting because he could justify that it would lead to adventure.. 

Thor: Brother! You remember our adventures!! 

MassMurderInStyle: I believe this is the appropriate moment to use this phrase: I am so tired. 

BornToBeWild: Yes. I believe so. 

PeterParkour: Guys… 

Thor: If you are tired you must get more sleep brother! If the Man of Iron keeps you awake I will tie him to a rock and throw him into the ocean so you may rest. 

IronMan: WhAT?!? 

MassMurderInStyle: Now, now Thor. What did we say about being respectful of my decisions. 

Thor: I am entirely respectful to your decisions. ...I have my eye on you @ManofIron.

Bruce: Uhh, Thor you need to put **@IronMan** for the @ to work. 

Thor: @TinBrain

Thor: @Don’tTouchMyBrother 

MassMurderInStyle: I see we need to have another talk. 

  
-  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool won't come into it too much but he might make a few cameos.
> 
> Deadpool and Spiderman image from:  
> https://twitter.com/jsebastian222/status/448611645800325120
> 
> I don't know how I turned Steve into the mom of everyone, but that does just seem to be who he is now.


	8. October Starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to see people enjoy this chaos

**Chapter 8**

  
  


**-**

**October 1st**

**-**

PeterParkour: IT’S HALLOWEEN SEASON! 

PUMPKIN SPICED LATTE HERE I COME! 

I LOVE ALL THE PUMPKIN FLAVOURS!! 

IronMan: … 

Bruce: … 

Hawkeye: …

PeterParkour:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTgFtxHhCQ0 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTgFtxHhCQ0)

IronMan: What do they teach kids nowadays? I haven’t seen that video since I was a child, and even bvack then I hated it. 

BornToBeWild: This is the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life. 

IronMan: It really isn’t! 

BornToBeWild: I want this to play whenever I’m cooking!

Steve: Banned.

IronMan: For once in my life, I agree with Cap...

PeterParkour: I got you fam, I’m here for all your spoopy needs. 

Mr. STARK WHY!!! 

IronMan: YOU DESERVED IT! 

PeterParkour: WHAT DID I DO? 

Bruce: Should I ask?

Hawkeye: Tony poured Peter’s latte down the drain.

PeterParkour: What Mr. Stark doesn’t realise is that I’m already getting my revenge. 

IronMan: And this is why I have FRIDAY recording your every move. 

PeterParkour: You won’t know when it’s coming… 

-

Hawkeye: If anyone is interested, the reason for Tony’s screaming is that Deadpool just crashed through the window and stole all of his coffee stock before running out into the yard and stealing a jet.

Steve: I’m not even surprised. 

PeterParkour: No one touches my Starbucks ( ੭눈 _ 눈 )੭ 

-

IronMan: Peter has decided to be friends with a lunatic. If you see him with said lunatic please call homeland security. AKA: Me. So I can remove him from the city and preferably the country. 

**Spiderman has added PiscinaDeLaMuerte to the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: mgmg it rhe avbrenggers. Hwll!

**IronMan has kicked PiscinaDeLaMuerte**

**IronMan has banned PiscinaDeLaMuerte**

**IronMan has flagged PiscinaDeLaMuerte as offensive**

Spiderman: Stop being mean to him! 

IronMan: Letting THAT into our chat is a threat to national security. No takebacks. 

Spiderman:  That’s not true! :C 

I’m making my own chatroom and you’re not allowed in it! 

IronMan:  JUST TRY IT! 

Wait no! 

STOP REWRITING THE CODE SO I CAN’T HACK IN! 

STOP TALKING TO HIM!

**@MissPotts** PEPPER! Peter’s ignoring me and talking to a dangerous criminal!! 

MissPotts: Aren’t you dating Loki? 

IronMan: If you’re trying to make a point I’m not seeing it. 

-

PeterParkour: Mr. Stark, you never told me what courses you are taking. 

IronMan: Unimportant. 

PeterParkour: … suspicious~ 

BornToBeWild: Very suspicious~ 

Bruce: Mhmm~~~ 

IronMan: Okay, all of you fucks back off.

PeterParkour: TELL US! Σ(； ･`д･´) ! 

IronMan: Let’s just say, I am far smarter than the teacher. 

Bruce: You’d say that no matter the course. 

IronMan: True, but I’m serious. 

PeterParkour: HMPH! I’m gonna hack the system and find out! 

IronMan: NOT IF I STOP YOU! 

Bruce: In all seriousness though, what colleges are we all going to? Me, Peter, and Tony are at MIT, and I know that Loki is at NYU because Tony sends a fancy limo to drop him off everyday. ( _ If Loki hasn’t stayed in the library all night _ ). But what about the rest of you?

Hawkeye: I’m also at NYU, you just never see me… and I have skipped over to Bucky’s college to spy on days I don’t need to come in. 

IronMan: I’m watching your attendance record. 

Hawkeye: Stalker. 

Steve: Bucky and I are at Princeton. 

Falcon: AnD ME! 

IronMan: …. You’re just an extra, you don’t count.

Falcon: This is why we aren’t friends.

IronMan: Boohoo, I’m so sad. 

PeterParkour: OwO wow Ivy League!! Isn’t that a long way to go to classes?

BornToBeWild: It’s two hours (minimum) from Brooklyn, but Coulson gave us a second apartment to stay at that’s closer. 

Bruce: … You have too many connections Tony. 

IronMan: They wanted ‘Captain America’ there so they could use him as a school mascot. Just a heads up, I did sell some of the marketing rights to them. 

Steve: You what now? 

IronMan: And Thor is now doing the Hofstra University Army Reserve Officer's Training Corps program… I really don’t know how.   
I didn’t send him there, he was meant to go to NYU with the other idiot (Hawkeye).

Hawkeye: Rude! 

Bruce: So that just leaves Natasha

**@Nat** which college are you at 

IronMan: I’m cackling.

Bruce: Why is she ignoring me! What did you do. 

IronMan: You’ll have to wait and see~ Either she tells you or I arrange a trip~

-

Steve: I hear screaming

Bruce: It’s Tony running away from Natasha. 

Steve: Alright then. 

-

**Chatroom: StabbyBros**

MassMurderInStyle: So, would you like to help me make Halloween extra spooky this year? 

BornToBeWild: YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! 

MassMurderInStyle: Good, we are going to need a lot of spray paint. 

**-**

**October 2nd**

-

BornToBeWild: Steve is fighting with the Law teacher again. 

Steve: I AM NOT! 

BornToBeWild: Steve threatened to fight him in the alley behind the school 

Steve: NO I DIDN’T! 

IronMan: If you get kicked off the course you need to pay me back too 

BornToBeWild: I made Steve sign up for some other classes to make him feel better. 

Steve: I feel fine. I have no issues with this class. Or the teacher. I simply wish to know why some laws exist. And why some people are allowed to be put into positions of power. 

Hawkeye: This sounds like some peak entertainment, I’m going to the vents. 

BornToBeWild:  **@Hawkeye** can you bring me an energy drink? 

Hawkeye:  **@BornToBeWild** I gotcha fam 

Steve: BARTON DO NOT SWOOP DOWN FROM THE VENTS DURING CLASS TO GIVE BUCKY A CAN OF MONSTER 

YOU DON'T EVEN GO HERE!!? 

Hawkeye: **@PeterParkour** what was that sunglasses emoji you used the other day? 

PeterParkour: ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

Hawkeye: ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

IronMan: You’re all grounded, only Bruce has any freedom. 

Bruce: This is the perfect time to tell you that I’m going away to Hawaii for a research trip and I need you to send me $10,000 dollars for funds.

IronMan: … 

Bruce: Since you know, you said you’d pay for my PhD… And they have a particularly nice reactor over there… 

IronMan: Is it your plan to make me lose as much money as possible? 

Bruce: If it gets me another PhD. Yes. P.S. I need another $300 for Hawaiian language classes

IronMan: -sigh- Fine, I'll send the money to you. 

Bruce: <3

PeterParkour: If I weren’t grounded I’d let you all know some news I think you’d like but since I am grounded, I’m not going to tell anyone but Mr. Loki. Because he is nice to me.

MassMurderInStyle: It is intriguing news.

IronMan: Is it news that I know already? 

PeterParkour: Nope. You got me grounded. 

IronMan: Okay new rule. No one is allowed to gang up on me or keep secrets from me. I give you assholes everything you want and you repay me with betrayal!

Nat: That’s what happens when all of your friends are spies or villains. 

Bruce: Nat! What college do you go to? 

She went offline…

IronMan: Peter was the only innocent one. And now look at him. He’s baking cookies with the guy who killed Kennedy. 

Steve: Can we not use that as the new way of referring to Bucky please! 

**BornToBeWild has changed their name to KennedyKiller007**

Steve: NO.

**Steve has changed KennedyKiller007’s name to Bucky**

Bucky: Clearly I need a new superhero/villain name. 

MassMurderInStyle: I’m sure you can think of a good sidekick name to go with my own. 

-

Nat: I don’t know which one of you tech bastards did it. But change my fucking ringtone before I send you all to Budapest! 

IronMan: You have peaked my curiosity, what is your ringtone set to? 

Nat:  I don’t know what song it is but I want it burning in hell. 

I’m getting a new phone and if it happens again you’re all going down.

Hawkeye: Maybe it’s because you won’t tell us your college? 

Nat: Is it? 

Hawkeye: THAT WAS JUST A GUESS, STOP CHASING ME AFESGGFH

-

**October 5th**

-

PeterParkour: Dr. Banner sir, could I send you my lab report for spelling and grammar check? The deadline is next week but I’m busy with patrol tonight and tomorrow ( ب_ب )

Bruce: Sure thing, email it to me and I’ll take a look. 

IronMan: You know. I can proof read thnigs too.

MissPotts: Tony you spelled the company name wrong last week .

IronMan: THAT’S BECUASE IT DIDN’T MATTER

Bruce: ...isn't the company name ‘Stark Industries’? 

MissPotts: It was a contract!! 

IronMan: And I signed my name, thus it is still valid.

MissPotts: Of course that would be the only thing you know how to spell, wouldn’t it. 

IronMan: Rude. Besides, it wasn’t a real contract, it was just a research science agreement with ‘Hammertech’ you think any of them no how to spell? Justin’s still in jail and yet the company somehow lives. They want to look at quantum mechanics and I doubt they even know what a ferromagnetic resonance spectrometer is.

MissPotts: Tony, you didn’t know what one was until you bought it last week. 

IronMan: YES I DID! I JUST HAD NO NEED FOR ONE UNTIL LAST WEEK! Now I get to play with magnets so I’m having fun. 

PeterParkour: Can I play with it? 

IronMan: No, it’s too dangerous for you. 

PeterParkour: But I’m superhuman :C 

IronMan: Still no. Go lift a bus or spar with Bucky.

Bucky: Oooo let’s spar!  **@Thor** can join us. 

Thor: YES MY FRIENDS I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR TEST FIGHTING WITH MY NEW FOUND STRATEGIC KNOWLEDGE OF THE NETHERVERSE! 

PeterParkour: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! 

IronMan: … What?

-

PeterParkour: I’ve decided to join some extracurricular activities! :) But I can’t decide which ones, there are sooooo many I want to do but I have so much on already… 

Bruce: Choose something you enjoy, at least that way you won’t feel like you don’t want to go if you are overworked. 

IronMan: Peter if you’re already overworked then you shouldn’t go anyway, get some rest. 

Nat: Ballet. 

IronMan: … 

Steve: ??? 

Hawkeye: ?!? :eyes: 

IronMan: Anyway. Bruce is right, if you’re gonna choose something then at least enjoy it kid. 

PeterParkour: Well, okay. 

Hawkeye: So many secrets running through this chat, someone needs to spill the tea. 

PeterParkour: DM me. 

Hawkeye: :eyes: 

-

IronMan: Peter. We need to talk.

PeterParkour: About what Mr. Stark? 

IronMan: About telling idiots things they shouldn’t know. 

Bruce: Clint just ran into Tony and now he’s laughing and pointing while making gestures. 

PeterParkour: But it’s not a secret :C It’s even on your wikipedia page. 

IronMan: Yes but idiots like him are too stupid to find that information on their own. 

PeterParkour: Well, stop telling me things others aren’t meant to know :/ 

because chances are I didn’t realise it was a secret and I’ve told someone (possibly my new friend).

At least if it is a secret tell me very specifically. 

IronMan: ...New friend. You didn’t tell Deadpool any of this did you? 

PeterParkour: He was really happy about it! I tell him all the things I find out, he finds it interesting! 

Bruce: Tony just mixed scotch with vodka and downed the glass like it was a shot.

PeterParkour: I’m sorry (っ- ‸ – ς)

Bruce: Don’t worry kid, Tony’s just being dramatic, trust me if something was really a secret you couldn’t tell anyone he would have told you that. 

-

Bucky: WAIT TONY TOOK BALLET ???

IronMan: Ah, the idiots found their way to Wikipedia. 

PeterParkour: >:3c I wanna take ballet too! Or at least dance classes… i’d say acrobatics but id be very obviously spiderman….

Nat: I’ll DM you

PeterParkour: ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

-

IronMan: …. What are you DM’ing each other about? 

PeterParkour: The secret you can’t know :P

IronMan: IF I BUY YOU NEW SPIDER THNGS, WILL YOU TELL ME!!?

PeterParkour: No :P

IronMan: YOU’RE LIKE THIS BEFCAUSE YOU HANG OUT WITH CLINT AREN’T YOU! HE HAS TURNED YOU AGAINST ME!!! 

PeterParkour: I’m not against you Mr. Stark :C It simply doesn’t concern you~.

IronMan: resdjiktrsejhkrjrisdoypkyjitw3orpa

-


	9. Steve Has No Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crack, chaos and a few name changes (some of which are changed again rather fast)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance for Deadpool's incomprehensible texting, I will not blame you for choosing to ignore him.

**October 7th**

-

Hawkeye: Ew, Tony and Loki are being  _ domestic  _

Bucky: In what way? 

Hawkeye: They’re watching some baking show together

Bucky: … without me?

I’m joining you guys!

PeterParkour: I wanna join too when I’m done studying for half term tests~!

IronMan: OI, STOP BARGING IN WHILE IM SHOWING LOKI CULTURE!

Bucky: NO ONE CAN WATCH COOKING SHOWS WITHOUT ME!

-

Bucky: Okay. Steve. Where are my guns?

Steve: I put them away.

Bucky: WHERE?!?

Steve: I’m not telling you! 

You’re gonna go attack people with them!

Bucky: THAT TURKEY WAS UNDERCOOKED I SAW THE PINK INSIDE! WHY DID DIANA GET THROUGH TO THE FINALS?!?

Steve: YOU’VE NEVER COOKED A TURKEY BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE BUCKY

Bucky: Technicalities. 

If I cooked a Turkey it would be 80x better than fucking Diana’s 

The judges are obviously biased because they liked her starter! 

IronMan: I swear to God somoene get Bucky out of this room before I have to call SHIELD to remove him! 

MassMurderInStyle: I now understand the concept of ‘cooking show culture’ 

Thor: Brother! We should cook together! I’ve heard that it is a fun bonding activity. 

MassMurderInStyle: Of course Brother, a DELIGHTFUL idea. 

PeterParkour: Mr. Loki, why did you just cackle and ask Bucky where the poison was stashed? 

MassMurderInStyle: SILENCE SPIDER CHILD! 

Thor: As long as he has fun cooking it I will be happy <3 

Although if i’m poisoned I would tell Lady Darcy and she would scold you. 

And then you’d get locked away again. 

So cook with me nicely or face the consequences. 

IronMan: ...That was such a 180. 

MassMurderInStyle: Now you understand the disaster I’ve grown up with. 

PeterParkour: You guys get along well from what I’ve seen (〃⌒_⌒)

Thor: WE DO!!! 

IronMan: Loki just left the room with a fork and ball of twine. I’m worried. 

-

**October 12th**

-

Bucky: I have chosen my villain name! 

**Bucky has changed his name to HomicideWithTheHomies**

Steve: …

IronMan: … 

**IronMan has changed** **HomicideWithTheHomies name to TitaniumRaccoon**

TitaniumRaccoon: Hey! :C 

IronMan: You’re now not allowed to make nicknames, leave it to the geniuses. (Me and Clint).

TitaniumRaccoon: Mean!

Bruce: Hey guys! I’m in Hawaii now~ Aloha! 

IronMan: Just don’t get angry at anyone. 

Bruce: You’re not here so there’s no one for me to be angry at. 

PeterParkour: Wow Hawaii must be amazing! Bring me back a souvenir~ 

Bruce: Will do! 

IronMan: No, no, no. You don’t get a souvenir until you tell me the secret you told Loki and apparently told Nat, but still won’t tell me! 

PeterParkour: You’ll never know Mr. Stark. After all, you made Aunt May actually ground me. Thus, Dr. Banner is now my favourite. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Oooo fight fight fight fight fight fight! 

IronMan: EXCUSE YOU, I paid for your college scholarship! 

PeterParkour: Yes but Dr. Banner taught me how to write really good lab reports. 

Steve: Isn’t this a stupid thing to fight over. 

IronMan: Shut up Spangles, I need to become the No.1 Dad 

I mean No.1 Hero*... autocorrect.

TitaniumRaccoon: We all know what you meant Tony. 

Bruce: It’s okay Tony, we’re still Science Bros. I’m just clearly the better Bro. 

IronMan: That’s it! Where in Hawaii are you? I’m pulling out the Hulk Buster. 

Steve: DO NOT! 

IronMan: Didn’t you fight your teacher in Introduction to Law yesterday because she called Bucky an evil murderous villain? 

Steve: ...What’s your point, Stark?

TitaniumRaccoon: I like that teacher best :)

-

Bruce: Update, Tony is flying around but can’t find me.  _ #Stealthy  _

IronMan: I CAN SEE YOUR TEXTS WHERE ARE YOU? COME OUT AND FIGHT LIKE A HULK! 

Bruce: -sips coffee- 

-

**October 20th**

-

TitaniumRaccoon: So, 

Steve: Don’t say it. 

TitaniumRaccoon: It is an important question! 

IronMan: This worries me, I have my finger over the ‘ban’ button. 

TitaniumRaccoon: >:C  **@PeterParkour** would unban me!

IronMan: If he does he’s grounded again. 

PeterParkour: OwO 

TitaniumRaccoon: UwU 

**IronMan has kicked TitaniumRaccoon**

IronMan: You’re next  **@PeterParkour**

PeterParkour: TwT 

**Steve has added TitaniumRaccoon**

Steve: Tony, stop abusing your power

IronMan: HAH you call this abusing my power? I’ll send my drones after you, then we’ll see real power abuse! 

Steve: ...I’m telling  Pepper . 

IronMan: WAIT NO! 

TitaniumRaccoon: ANYWAY. I WANTED TO ASK A QUESTION 

TO  **@Bruce**

Bruce: Okay? 

TitaniumRaccoon: Since you have become a doctor seven times, shouldn’t we call you doctor doctor doctor doctor doctor doctor doctor Banner? 

Steve: I ALREADY TOLD HIM NO! 

Bruce: Uhhh, sadly not, I only get the title once. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Disappointment :C 

If I graduate, will I be a doctor?! 

Bruce: You need a PhD for that I’m afraid. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………….

IronMan: I AM NOT PAYING FOR ANYONE ELSES PHD!!! 

Bruce is using too much of my resources, I might actually dro p out of the label of being a billionaire if this carries on… 

Bruce: I use what I can for my research :P 

IronMan: Don’t you :P me. 

Bruce: :P 

TitaniumRaccoon: I’ve decided I’m gonna get a PhD and become a Doctor :P

IronMan: Everyone stop using that face **! @PeterParkour** See what you’ve done? Your emoticons have infected everyone! 

PeterParkour: ✾(〜 ☌ω☌)〜✾

IronMan: … 

Thor: I too wish to have the title of Midgardian ‘Doctor’ teach me your ways Bruce, son of seven Banners.

Bruce: Thor my name is still Bruce Banner, I just have the title of Doctor because of my (seven) PhDs

Thor: I see, I too wish to have this title, Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs.

Bruce: ... 

**IronMan has changed Bruce’s name to Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs.**

IronMan: Best name change yet. 

Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs: NO THIS IS NOT MY NAME! 

Thor: Bruce, son of seven Doctors? 

Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs: Okay, you have got to be doing this on purpose.

Thor: It is alright Son of Brutus the Seventh, I will not tell anyone of your secret Banner. 

MassMurderInStyle: I suppose Thor decided to go hard or go home. 

Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs: ...What? I…

HE WENT OFFLINE?!? 

PeterParkour: Well…  **@IronMan** will you pay for me to do a PhD ?

IronMan: You’re a freshman, talk to me again in two or three years.

PeterParkour: ʕ ಡ ﹏ ಡ ʔ

-

IronMan: My dad senses are going off. Peter, what are you doing?

Spiderman: Nothing. 

IronMan: LIES! 

Spiderman: I’m just talking to my friends Mr.Stark. 

IronMan: And who are these friends. 

Spiderman: It’s just Deadpool and Daredevil! 

IronMan: …HOW DID YOU GAIN ANOTHER ONE?!?

Spiderman: Another what? 

IronMan: ANOTHER DANGEROUS CRIMINAL I DISAPPROVE OF!!

Spiderman: What you don’t like Daredevil? D: 

But he’s so nice! 

IronMan: He egged my car! 

No talking to either of them ever again! NEVER! I SWEARR TO SRGDFHJ

Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs: It’s nice to know that Tony takes being a dad seriously. ❤

Why is this still my name? 

IronMan: You’re not changing it. 

-

**Spiderman has created the group Team Red**

**Spiderman has added PiscinaDeLaMuerte and Daredevil**

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: New hne, wh dis? 

Spiderman: Mr. Stark said I’m not allowed to talk to you guys anymore. 

Daredevil: So you made a group chat? 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: WHLY FK IT DARDEVL. Wit, hw r u tslkimg, rnt u blimf? 

Daredevil: Yes I am blind… I assume that is what you said. I'm using voice to text and read aloud. Don’t expect me to pay attention to you though Deadpool, I can barely understand you when you talk like that. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: SIDDEY! DAAAREDVL CN’T UDERSTND MEH! 

Daredevil: Yeah, I have no idea what you just said. 

Spiderman: Well at least having you both in a group chat will make it easier for team ups. 

Daredevil: Just don’t expect me to talk on here a lot. 

I have better things to do than listening to my phone’s read function, feel free to actually call or just come find me.. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: BTR THUNGS? LKE WAT? 

Daredevil: hhhh…

PicinaDeLaMuerte: DN’T SIGH @ MEH

Spiderman: He said: Better things, like what?

Daredevil: Like catching villains, ignoring Foggy, pretending to pay attention to law cases, pretending I don’t know you. The works. 

Spiderman: My friend Bucky says he follows you on Twitter and wants to add you, would that be okay? I can tell him no...

Daredevil: Bucky Barnes? Hell yes, he can tell me the dirt on Captain America. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: I wnt Catin ‘merica titties. 

Daredevil: I’m going to begin shunning you for the rest of the fanfic. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: Nuuuuuuiii dn’t shn meh! 

Spiderman: fanfic? 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: it fne, chatfics R crack anywy.

Daredevil: Don’t worry about it Spidey. 

How are the crappy Avengers anyway? 

Spiderman: They’re all well! Mr. Stark is making us all go to college at the moment, Dr. Banner is getting his 8th PhD.

Daredevil: That fucking scumbag. 

Spiderman: Hmm? 

Daredevil: Sorry, voice to text. I heard Stark’s name. 

Let me just listen to what you said again. 

Oh nice, college sucks but at least you don’t have to suffer alone. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: SIRDY WAT CLLWGW U @ ? 

Spiderman: MIT ? 

Daredevil: How on earth did you understand that? 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 BBYBI IS SMRT 2 

Spiderman: I text with DP a lot, and it's probably easier to understand because I can read it, rather than hearing it spoken…

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: IF UI WANNT T G STRBICKS LETMKE KNW BBYUBI! 

Daredevil: Spiderman, if you ever need Deadpool to stop stalking you let me know. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: NUHUH, wldn’t du tat. Jast keeep cmin 2 Tac0 Tuuuesdy! 

Daredevil: How was the only word I understood there Taco. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: I knqw watz imrtnt.

-

**October 21st**

-

**PeterParkour has changed their name to Peter**

Peter: I need to think of a new chat name.

IronMan: Or. Don’t. 

Peter: Annnnyway~~ has anyone else been watching Bucky’s cooking vlogs? 

He set fire to his last pair of oven gloves so I’ve bought him a new pair 

IronMan: I am. Afraid. 

TitaniumRaccoon: YES, I REALLY NEED THOSE! THANK YOU!! 

IronMan: Why do you have a vlog? 

TitaniumRaccoon: Well it’s linked to my tweeter and I use it when I’m cooking.

Peter: it’s still Twitter* Mr. Barnes. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Yes but you tweet, not twitt

Peter: … Well I can’t argue with that. I’ll get you an instagram too! 

MassMurderInStyle: Anthony, I require a device that can melt steel girders. 

IronMan: ...Why?

MassMurderInStyle: It would be wise not to ask that question. 

IronMan: Alright, come over. 

Peter: Is Mr. Loki being evil again? 

MassMurderInStyle: I think you could say I’m being rather ‘heroic’ actually. 

IronMan: That means yes. 

Steve: It. 

Is. 

3am. 

WHY are you all awake? 

Peter: I was patrolling until just now! 

IronMan: Sleep is for the weak. 

MassMurderInStyle: I don’t understand your midgardian sleeping patterns. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Insomnia baking.

Steve: … I hate you all, you’re all grounded. Except Bucky, come to bed. 

TitaniumRaccoon: :D 

IronMan: you can’t ground me! 

Steve: I’ve already texted Pepper. 

IronMan: AESRJYOTRKJDGTGKH

Peter: But I’m trying to finish my homework D: 

Steve: It can wait until morning son. 

Peter: (๑◕︵◕๑)

Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs: Is it just me or is it kinda weird when Steve calls people ‘son’ via text. 

Steve: BRUCE WHY ARE YOU AWAKE TOO! 

Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs: My phone kept getting notifications from this chat. 

Blame them not me!

Ugh, I can’t deal with my name being so long.

**Banner, son of the holy seven PhDs has changed his name to Bruce**

IronMan: NO THAT WAS THE BEST NAME!1

TitaniumRaccoon: Well, Steve says a lot of weird things in text that he would also say out loud. More than you might think...

Steve: SLEEP. NOW. 

-

Steve: Now that it is a more reasonable hour, I think you should all take a long hard look at your life choices and the times you stay awake until. 

Peter: But… it’s 7am 

Steve: Exactly. It’s morning now. 

Peter: … But… The world isn’t awake at 7am (๑◕︵◕๑)

TitaniumRaccoon: Steve and I are! We’re going for a morning run, would you like to join us? 

Peter: Oooo! YES!! 

-

IronMan: WHat the shit. You guys were awake at that ridiculous time?

Steve: Why did it take you until late afternoon to reply? 

IronMan: Well after you were a prick that called Pepper on me, I was forced to go to sleep without finishing my new repulsor designs. After several hours of insomnia I had a very long in depth dream of finishing them, and then using them to write ‘Steve Rogers sucks eggs’ across the Statue of Liberty. 

Steve: …

IronMan: ~ such a nice dream. 

Anyway. I didn’t have a nightmare last night  _ #nailedit _

And I just woke up.

Steve: …. It’s… It’s 4pm… 

IronMan: … Well I was awake 47 hours. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Just so you know. 

Steve just put his phone down, screamed. Then left to go to the gym. 

He’s a grandpa so he goes to sleep at like 9pm anyway. 

IronMan: Ew. That’s when I break out the alcohol. 

Peter: Mr.Stark! Can you send someone to give me a ride home from campus? I need to bring Aunt May her bag, she said she left it at home and I don’t have my Spidey stuff so home is literally hours away. 

IronMan: I’ll send Happy over. 

Peter:... But Happy keeps flirting with Aunt May

IronMan: Exactly. He’ll be very  _ happy  _ about it.

Peter: (๑ ˊ͈ ᐞ ˋ͈ )ƅ̋

TitaniumRaccoon: Don’t you live really far away from campus Peter? 

Peter: Yes, but Mr. Stark said the apartments I was going to live at were ‘uninhabitable’    
and there aren’t many good apartments close to campus. 

But it’s okay, I’m always travelling across NY to get to places anyway. If I’m running late I can swing there.

TitaniumRaccoon: Hmmmmmmmmmm, I’ll find you a place easy. Stay tuned for my next vlog. 

Peter: ...okay? ฅ=͟͟͞͞((꒪∆꒪;)ฅ

IronMan: I leave for thirty seconds to tell Happy to get you and you start going apartment hunting without me?!? Just let me buy you a place kid.

Peter: No! For one, you’d buy me an entire building instead of just an apartment, and two, I don’t want you paying any more for me! You already paid for college, I can’t rely on your money for everything. 

Hawkeye: Tony is staring at the wall with a really confused expression. # _ BillionaireProblems _

IronMan: I just… I don’t understand, why not use the free money? 

Peter: Nothing’s ever free Mr.Stark.

IronMan: ????????????????????????????????????????????????????

But, money?

Also, Barton get the fuck out of my vents. 

Hawkeye: You can’t get me out. I live here. 

-

IronMan: Peter…

Peter: Yes Mr.Stark?

IronMan: Happy just called me and said you had a tarantula on your shoulder the entire time you were with him.

Peter: Yeah??? 

IronMan: … and that you were making clicking sounds at it. 

Peter: ...yeah??? 

IronMan: YOU TALK TO SPIDERS NOW KID?!! 

Peter: Oh, well, I guess so. It’s not so much talking, but I can understand them? 

IronMan: 1. Happy is traumatised, thanks for that. 2. You’re coming here right now to tell me what other goddamn powers you have before you somehow hurt yourself… i’ll need to modify the suit, i wonder if i can add spider functions… 

Peter: :0 Spider functions!

TitaniumRaccoon:  **@Peter,** can you teach me to talk to spiders? 

Peter: I can try? 

Hawkeye That is the worst idea I’ve ever heard. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Tell that to my incoming army of spiders. 

Hawkeye:  _ #demonspawn _

-

-


	10. fun times with the idiots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony: IronMan  
> Natasha: Nat  
> Hawkeye: Hawkeye  
> Thor: Thor  
> Loki: Loki, MassMurderInStyle, Frozen  
> Peter: PeterParkour, Peter, BestBoi  
> Bruce: BruceBanner, Bruce, Banner son of the holy seven PhDs, ScienceBro!   
> Steve: SteveRogers, Capsicle, Steve, CaptainRighteous   
> Bucky: Bucky, BornToBeWild, KennedyKilled007, HomicideWithTheHomies, TitaniumRaccoon, JesusChristSuperstar  
> Agent Coulson: Agent C, SpanglesFanboy  
> Sam: Falcon  
> Pepper: MissPotts  
> Deadpool: PiscinaDeLaMuerte  
> Matt Murdoch: Daredevil  
> Rhodey: WarMachine

Chapter 10

**October 25th**

Peter: I DID NOT EXPECT TO WALK INTO THE RECEPTION OF STARK INDUSTRIES TO FIND LOKI AND TONY SINGING LES MIS AT EACH OTHER AGGRESSIVELY!!!!!!!!

Nat: They do that at least once a week. 

I think last time Loki attacked the Washington monument he started by saying  
“and I’m Javert! Do not forget my name, do not forget me, 24601”

Hawkeye: He did, then Tony started arguing with him that he wasn’t allowed to start while he was in the suit because it changes his voice slightly and makes it harder to belt out the notes. 

Nat: He sucks at singing anyway.

IronMan: HEARD YOU TALKNIG SHIT!

Nat: I call it like I see it. You and Loki are awful at singing and should stop. 

IronMan: RUDE! DIRTY LIES!!!   
HEY EVERYONE, NAT GOES TO JULLIARD 

Nat: …

Peter: I knew this already :) 

IronMan: You did?!? 

Peter: It’s a small part of the secret that I won’t tell you. Deadpool knows it too now.

IronMan: … 

Peter: I told Mr. Barton too :)

Falcon: and he told me!

IronMan: Fuckers.

Bruce: Well, now I can see why she sent that injunction in to SHIELD 

Peter: Julliard is awesome! I wish I could sing/dance too!

Hawkeye: I cannot do either. (And yes I did also know that Nat went to Julliard, I just didn’t want her to murder me if I told people.)

Bruce: Neither can I. 

I was completely not expecting  **@Nat** to be at Julliard, but it makes sense now why  
Tony was cackling to himself all morning that first day. 

IronMan: HAH! You shits suck. Only Loki and I make the perfect Valjean and Javert! (P.S. Peter you’re grounded again)

Peter: Does that make them lovers? 

The more you ground me the longer I won’t tell you. 

IronMan: It’s all subtext. 

Who raised you to be so petty?

Nat: You’re pretty flexible Peter, I’ve seen you fighting, I think you’d be a good dancer. I’ll take you in sometime to look around.

Peter: Is that allowed :0!! 

Nat: For a spy it is. 

Peter: [ ∗ ◕ □ ◕ ∗ ]

TitaniumRaccoon: Steve and I can also sing! But Steve refuses to do so in public! 

Steve: I cannot sing, Bucky just likes to watch Disney movies. 

Peter: Good~ ! 

I tend to just watch things I’ve already seen a thousand times, so I know all the words to Tangled 

IronMan: ...All of them? 

Peter: This is the story of how I died.

Don't worry, this is actually a very fun story. And the truth is, it isn't even mine.

This is the story of a girl named, Rapunzel. 

And it starts with the sun. 

Now, once upon a time, a single drop of sunlight fell from the heavens.

And from this small drop of sun, grew a magic, golden, flower.

It had the ability to heal the sick and injured.

IronMan: Okay stop, I get the idea. 

Peter: I’ve been watching some new things with Deadpool lately, he said I had to watch Golden Girls or he wouldn’t be friends with me anymore. 

IronMan: GOOD, THEN DON’T WATCH IT! 

Bruce: Ah, Dad Tony is out again. 

IronMan: HISS!!!!

Nat: I’m now 5 minutes from Stark’s house. So if anyone hears loud screams or fighting, ignore them. 

IronMan: … I’m locking my doors. 

Nat: Good luck keeping me out. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Steve is actually a really good singer :) 

Steve: No.. I'm really not. 

TitaniumRaccoon: But what about all the Captain America dancing things! D: 

Steve: The what??? 

TitaniumRaccoon: The old reel tapes of you on stage with the dancing girls? And then you punch a cardboard cutout of Hitler… 

Steve: … Oh, Bucky I was lip syncing to all of those, and I didnt really dance, I just stood on stage not knowing what the hell was actually going on… 

TitaniumRaccoon: DDDDD: Nooooooooooo my dreams are shattered!!! 

Hawkeye: Such a fucking mood though. 

-

**October 28th**

-

IronMan: Okay  **@MassMurderInStyle** what is with Thor? Why does he say the most random things? And why does he keep calling me ‘the eldhooffel lightning dweller?’ 

MassMurderInStyle: do you mean eldhúsfífl?

IronMan: I have no idea. 

MassMurderInStyle: He is insulting you. 

I see you are under the impression that my brother is stupid.  
And, alas, he is an imbecile but I’m afraid he’s not actually an idiot.  
He’s fooling you all with his games 

Thor: Brother! What games am I playing? 

MassMurderInStyle: The same kind as when you place Mjolnir on my cloak then walk away. 

Thor: I only do that when you deserve it.

MassMurderInStyle: You did it yesterday. 

Thor: You stole my mutton (and it was funny). 

MassMurderInStyle: You ate five shanks of mutton on your own! 

Thor: YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO TOUCH WHAT ISN’T YOURS BROTHER! 

IronMan: Okay~ The top floor of the penthouse just turned to ice. Someone please stop these two before they permanently damage my property. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Isn’t that your job? 

IronMan: It’s my job to stop Loki being evil. Not to put a stop to sibling fights that could lead to the destruction of my home. 

Bruce: I’m glad I’m in Hawaii. 

No stress here, just research~ 

Nat: Am I the only one questioning why Loki is blue? 

IronMan: He’s naturally blue, and he’s getting used to that fact. Just don’t worry about it.

Nat: Alright then. As a suggestion, give Thor more mutton and he might forget about fighting. 

Hawkeye: I always forget Loki and Thor are like… aliens. 

TitaniumRaccoon: Is Loki sure Thor’s not an idiot?

Bruce: I’m with Loki on this, Thor acts stupid but I think he is way smarter than he makes us think he is.

TitaniumRaccoon: I’ll put him on my ‘don’t mess with’ list. Right next to Bruce and Matt Murdock. 

Steve: Who? 

TitaniumRaccoon: ...Don’t worry about it. 

Peter: Mr. Stark!! Your house is frosty!

IronMan: Yeah, kid go home for the day, don’t get involved with fighting Gods. 

Peter: I wanted to borrow your equipment for my homework though TwT 

IronMan: WHat homework would require my equipment? 

Peter: ...The kind where I want to experiment ?

IronMan: … Tomorrow.

Peter: YAAAAY! 

-

**Peter has changed TitaniumRaccoon’s name to JesusChristSuperstar**

**Peter has changed Bruce’s name to ScienceBro!**

**Peter has changed Steve’s name to CaptainRighteous**

**Peter has changed his name to BestBoi**

**Peter has changed MassMurderInStyle’s name to Frozen**

**Peter has sent 37 images**

-

**October 29th**

-

IronMan:  **@BestBoi** …37 cat memes? 

BestBoi: yeeeeeh

JesusChristSuperstar: I… do not understand my name change? 

BestBoi: It’s a musical and it's you! 

Go see it~ (˚☐˚! )/

IronMan: I didn’t realise you guys watched musicals 

BestBoi: The spontaneous singing from you and Loki inspired me~! 

CaptainRighteous: ...Peter. 

I get the feeling that my name change is ironic. 

BestBoi: This is revenge for leaving Mr. Stark in Siberia.

CaptainRighteous: I didn’t leave him there, I called SHIELD to pick him up… 

BestBoi: You were still mean, he could have died. 

CaptainRighteous: ...I’m sorry. 

BestBoi: Say that to Mr. Stark next time you see him. 

JesusChristSuperstar: -eats popcorn- 

Frozen: Might my name be a disney reference? 

BestBoi: Yes! Because you make ice~ and love fixes all icey problems! 

Frozen: … Okay then.

BestBoi: Can you make me an Olaf? 

Frozen: I don’t think I can make snowmen that move child. 

BestBoi: Aww ੨( ･᷄ ︵･᷅ )ｼ

ScienceBro!: Wait, did you change all of our names at 4am? Why were you awake??? 

BestBoi: Mr.Stark always says sleep is for the weak.

Hawkeye: The worst possible person to listen to about sleeping IMO. 

BestBoi: I’m also following Bucky’s lead on the redbull  _ #living _

IronMan: Okay. We need to have a talk now **@BestBoi** I told you to become better than me.

Not follow in my footsteps. My footsteps are VERY bad. 

In fact, forget all of the Avengers, do not follow in the footsteps of any of them.  
I’m telling May to find you a new role model so you can become an amazing hero. 

BestBoi: I’m not very amazing though, I’m just your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman UwU. 

Also, Bucky has found me an apartment so tomorrow will be my first day living alone >:3c 

IronMan: You are amazing, and that sounds like a terrible idea.

BestBoi:  _ #7thRedBull. _

**CaptainRighteous has changed their name to: Steve**

Steve: I apologised  **@BestBoi** :)

IronMan: Ew. These ‘feelings’ are making me sick. 

Bestboi: YAAAY! :D

-

IronMan:  **@BestBoi** you’re taking Chinese? 

BestBoi: Yeah? 

IronMan: ???Why???? 

BestBoi: You told me to take a language I was interested in D: It was big brain move! 

IronMan: ...but… italian… 

JesusChristSuperstar: Russian :( 

BestBoi: Can I interest you in ASL ? 

Hawkeye: Peter’s pretty good at ASL, he only gets stuck when I swap to RSL ;P 

BestBoi: You’re mean!!! 

IronMan: … Why chinese? 

BestBoi: 我喜欢中国 _#Chinesekeyboard_

IronMan: ._. 

BestBoi: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 

-

Nat: Which one of you did it? 

IronMan: ? For once I don’t know what you’re talking about. 

Nat: My phone. The ringtone has again been changed to that damn song! 

Hawkeye: What song is it? 

Nat: I STILL DON’T KNOW CLINT. BUT IT’S IN MY HEAD NOW.

I refuse to look it up on the principle that if i know what it is it will be harder to get rid of! 

ScienceBro!: What are the lyrics? 

Nat: Everybody’s always talking at me, everybody’s trying to get in my head. I wanna listen to my own heart talking. I need to count on myself instead. THEN I TURN IT OFF BEFORE IT GOES ON AND ON AND I HATE IT!!! 

IronMan: Huh, I don’t know it either. 

Nat: I don’t CARE what it is. I WANT TO KNOW WHO KEEPS CHANGING MY RINGTONE! 

Hawkeye: Hmmmm 

Certain members of this chat are being very quiet right now

IronMan: That’s because msot of us are in classes. Clint. 

Hawkeye: -buys more starbucks- 

IronMan: I’m watching you bird boy. 

Hawkeye: ...wait… you’re not in class I can see you in the corner! Why are you at NYU???

Oi! I see you leaving, you’re not sneaky Tony!!!

-

**IronMan has added WarMachine to the chat**

WarMachine: LEMME TELL YA’LL A STORY! 

There I was, enjoying my coffee. 

IronMan: Drama Queen. 

WarMachine: ENJOYING MY COFFEE! 

Then I look up and Tony’s there being miserable, throwing his spanner around. 

I’m like. Okay Tony’s sciencey stuff isn’t working. 

Then he sighs and knocks the table with his fist. Which is pretty normal for him. 

But then Peter rolls over from his desk with a pack of mentos which Tony takes  
without looking up. 

So, I’m first of all confused. And second kind of impressed that Peter brings mentos  
into a lab with highly flammable material and biohazards. 

But then Tony looks at him and says “Eighty-seven!" 

ScienceBro!: What is happening?

IronMan: Story Time. 

WarMachine: So.

After TWENTY WHOLE SECONDS of these two staring at each other.  
Peter replies "Twenty-six." 

Suddenly, Tony starts freaking out, and leaps, AnD I MeAN LEApS, over his  
desk like he’s made a breakthrough and he’s shouting at FRIDAY to do things. 

As he does this he looks back and says: "three hundred eighty seven." 

Then Peter fucking screams, wheels back to his desk and starts typing.

THEY HAVEN’T EVEN SAID TEN WORDS TO EACH OTHER THIS WHOLE TIME.

Next thing I know Tony is hitting his spanner against the wall and Peter is up and  
making them coffee. 

Hawkeye: Insert Twilight Zone music here. 

WarMachine: Being in a lab with those two is like a Stephen King novel, just you fucking see. I refuse to be in the room with them anymore. WarMachine out. 

**WarMachine has left the chat.**

IronMan: As I said, Drama Queen.

JesusChristSuperstar: Maybe. Now hear me out. 

Steve: Don’t. 

JesusChristSuperstar: Maybe they’re actually vampires. 

See, vampires are actuaglhse;ryfg;

Steve: …. 

So, Bucky needs a new phone. 

ScienceBro!: I am now interested in what happened to it. 

Steve: It went out the window somehow. 

ScienceBro!: Of course it did. 

-

BestBoi: Bucky doesn’t have a phone, but you guys should know a whole bucket of glitter just landed on him from the vents.

IronMan: STRIKE ONE BITCH!! PAYBACK!!!

ScienceBro!: Oh God, we’re not starting this again are we? 

  
  
  
  



	11. HaIIoween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was meant to post this on haIIoween and I forgot, I am a faiIure

-

**October 31st**

-

BestBoi: IT’S HALLOWEEEEEEEEN!!! 

THE SKELETON WAR IS TONIGHT GUYS! 

IronMan: I’m not even going to ask.

BestBoi: I love halloween :)

Hawkeye: You’re not going to go trick or treating are you? 

BestBoi: No, Ned’s back in NYU for the next week so he’s throwing a Halloween party, we’re gonna be Jedi! 

IronMan: … nerds.

BestBoi: don’t be mean to me Mr. Stark :C 

Steve: I’m out phone shopping with Bucky. Because Tony refuses to get him another one. 

IronMan: I didn’t say that. I just said he had to prove himself worthy of one first 

Steve: And then you told him to pick up Thor’s hammer to prove it. 

IronMan: Exactly. Worthy. 

Thor: Only those worthy may pick up Mjolnir, so far I have only seen myself pick it up. Although I believe Son of Rogers may be able to, once he proves himself. 

Steve: ???? Okay 

BestBoi: :0 !!! That’s amazing! 

IronMan: Tch. It’s just a self-importance meter. 

Steve: If that were the case you’d be able to swing it around with ease.

BestBoi: wow I can’t believe Captain America murdered Ironman like that. 

-

JesusChristSuperstar: I have a new phone! 

BestBoi: Yay! 我很高兴！

JesusChristSuperstar: 我也很高兴

IronMan: ... SOS.

BestBoi: I am enjoying my language classes :) 

IronMan: Why does Bucky keep following me around shouting ma?

BestBoi: That is a long story. 

JesusChristSuperstar: 你会说中文吗?

IronMan: STOp IT 

JesusChristSuperstar: 吗?!!

IronMan: aersdtyfkuijhgfk PETER STOP TEACHING HIM CHINESE! NO MORE CHINESE KEYBOARD OR NO ONE UNDERSATNDs!! 

BestBoi: But he was interested in my classes! D: 

-

BestBoi: HALLOWEEN pARTY HERE I COME1!!

IronMan: Stay safe. No drugs. No alcohol. 

Bruce: I cant believe Tony Stark just said the words no alcohol. 

IronMan: Only I am allowed the alcohol. 

BestBoi: I don't plan to drink or take drugs Mr. Stark! 

IronMan: Good. Starks don't fall to peer pressure

Miss Potts: … 

IronMan: NO ONE ASKED YOU pEppER! 

BestBoi: ♡〜٩( ˃́▿˂̀ )۶〜♡ 

**Miss Potts has changed their name to: Pepper**

-

IronMan: Okay I'm bored. Its Avengers Halloween party time. You are all invited. 

ScienceBro!: But I'm in Hawaii D: 

IronMan: It feels as though you’ve been there months. 

ScienceBro!: It has been like… two, three weeks. 

IronMan: No party for Hulk. 

ScienceBro!: … that makes him sad. 

If I go green now I blame you. 

Nat: I will only agree to come to this party if you agree to do something for me. 

IronMan: That sounds ominous and like something I will regret. Why not. Agreed. 

Nat: :) I will inform you of the details later.

Hawkeye: How the fuck did you get this place decorated so fast?

FRIDAY: Mr. Stark has a Halloween setting installed.

IronMan: FRIDAY WHY ARE YOU IN HERE? GET OUT THE AVENGERS CHAT! 

FRIDAY: Boss. you said I had access for monitoring purposes 

IronMan: How was I at the time? Had I been drinking? 

FRIDAY: Do you really not know the answer to that question, boss? 

IronMan: Damnit, I need to install a drunken-choices buffer to my tech. 💚

Steve: Bucky and I will be over in a bit, we have been in Wakanda visiting some people. Also, Scott and Sam want to come to the party too.

IronMan: Good. I already invited Wanda and Vision. 

BestBoi: I'm missing an Avengers party!? (๑′̥̥̥▵‵̥̥̥ ૂ๑)

IronMan: You have your own party

BestBoi: Ned said he'd gladly ditch his own party if he had the chance to go to an Avengers one 

IronMan: You can bring three friends. 

WAIT NO! 

YOU CAN ONLY BRING NED AND MJ! IF YOU BRING THOSE OTHER TWO HEATHENS I WILL THROW SOMETHING!!

BestBoi: Darn, so close. 

-

JesusChristSuperstar: Tony has ghost broccoli in his fridge…

Nat: … Cauliflower? 

JesusChristSuperstar: IT HAS A NAEM??

IronMan: Why are you going into my fridge ?!?!?

JesusChristSuperstar: I'm going to make us a Halloween cake while I’m waiting! 

BestBoi: I WANT TO HELP YOU PUT IT ON YOUR BLOG!

JesusChristSuperstar: YES! 

Nat: Waiting for what?

Frozen: **@JesusChristSuperstar** I am ready.

Bestboi: What are you ready for? ;ooo 

Frozen: Why, I’m simply referring to the cake, Peter.

Hawkeye: <_<

Nat: Well that’s not suspicious at all Loki. 

Frozen: Whatever do you mean, my dear? :) 

Nat: sigh.

IronMan: You know, I don't pay much attention to like, social media and Avengers fans or anything, but do people actually watch Bucky's cooking vlogs? 

BestBoi: Of course! They like all my Spiderman tweets about you guys too! 

IronMan: … you tweet about us? 

BestBoi: I have two twitters, one for me, and one for Spiderman, I try to limit my own one to just stuff about university or interning or … you know, shitposts… but I'm always talking about the Avengers on my Spiderman twitter! It's fun! 

Nat: And he fights people when they insult the Avengers. 

BestBoi: … only sometimes. 

IronMan: And this is why social media tires me. 

ScienceBro!: Question, aren't you guys partying? Why are you all texting? 

BestBoi: I'm not there yet! I'm just walking in now!!! 

JesusChristSuperstar: I now have Red Velvet sponge cake ingredients from the depths of Tony's cupboards. Peter and I will be vlogging, so don't bother us too much. I am telling you guys on here instead of trying to shout over the music. 

ScienceBro!: … When I get back from Hawaii you guys owe me a party. 

-

**November 1st**

-

IronMan: Loki. Was this you? 

Frozen: Whatever do you mean Anthony? 

IronMan: The White House was painted like a giant pumpkin on Halloween night, and Trump tower has dicks all over it. Now, the last few hours of the party are pretty damn fuzzy to me but I definitely don’t remember seeing you there!

Frozen: :) Why ever would I do such a thing Anthony

JesusChristSuperstar: :) Why would Loki do such a thing

IronMan: ...You two better hope Steve is too hungover to see that. 

Hawkeye: whhhhhhhhhhhhy are ypu gys awake??? I’m dyingg

JesusChristSuperstar: Me and Steve don’t get hungover! But we are out running and I am distracting him from his phone! 

IronMan: You don’t get hangoverS??!?!? ?  
Clint, it’s 2pm, eat some cheeseburgers and drink some water, you’ll be fine. 

BestBoi: Are hangovers that bad? ;0! 

IronMan: You’re never allowed to find out. 

BestBoi: (๑මั‸මั๑)

JesusChristSuperstar: Don’t worry Peter, I’ll take you out for fun drinking without Tony. 

IronMan: You’re both under house arrest. 

BestBoi: Don’t worry Mr. Stark, I don’t think alcohol really affects me that much, because of the healing factor and spidey stuff. 

IronMan: …

BestBoi: ...not that i;ve tested it or anything <_< >_>

IronMan: ………………

BestBoi: hugs? 

IronMan: …. Fine. 

Steve: So. **@Frozen @JesusChristSuperstar** Which one of you wants to confess to me first. 

Frozen: Suddenly, I can’t read.

Hawkeye: erehjutgrsdkhnvl

-

**Chatroom: StabbyBros!**

JesusChristSuperstar: Teeheehee! I am now officially villainous! 

Frozen: You aren’t officially a supervillain until you have an arch enemy. 

JesusChristSuperstar: Really? D: Who is yours? 

Frozen: -darkly with thunder in the background- Thor. 

JesusChristSuperstar: Ah… Well I will endeavor to find one!! Step 1: arch enemy. Step 2: PhD. Step 3: Most popular Villain on Tweeter

Frozen: … You do realise real villains murder, torture, and generally try to take over the world yes? 

JesusChristSuperstar: Yes, but I like the petty villainous things… And I will murder the assholes of society in order to make the world a better place, but heroes don’t kill apparently, so villain it is! … :-0 Wait! I’m batman! 

Frozen: I think he’s a hero. Does he kill people? 

JesusChristSuperstar: Hmmmm…. I swear he did in the comics... He’s an edgy hero. I wanna be a villain that keeps heroes on their toes but is more feared by the other villains… and government. Like. I want to be a villain in the sense that literally everyone in the world has tried to kill or manipulate me and being a villain gives me the freedom to be myself while also being friends with people I like and wont try to kill me. Thus, I am a villain by my standards and not like that asshole Dr Doom.

Frozen: … Should I send Rogers to hug you? 

JesusChristSuperstar: Yes please <3 

-

**November 3rd**

-

BestBoi: I have to do a resit of one of my tests DX 

ScienceBro!: If it is for that stupid extra class all first years have to do which is basically to prove they won't die or break society when they are let loose on it, then yeah, I barely scraped a pass.

IronMan: I passed it! Because I am a good citizen who knows how to behave! 

**WarMachine has been added to the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

WarMachine: Tony got kicked out of his first class of the semester because they asked him to demonstrate how to use a fire extinguisher and he insulted the bad design for five minutes, left, came back twenty minutes later with his 'new improved' version then sprayed the class to show that HIS foam isn't dangerous for people.

IronMan: … How did you get in here? I didn't invite you. 

**WarMachine has left the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E.**

Hawkeye: ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

BestBoi: I was in that class! Tony brought Dum-E and set the blinds on fire.

But DUM-E sprayed Tony instead (Loki set his shoe on fire without telling him, i don't’ know why Loki was there actually...)

Then Bruce set his jacket on fire because he was invited to the class and KNOWS how Dum-E reacts to Tony on fire

Also, Bruce got a note from the doctor excusing him from all safety classes because 'close proximity to stupidity may cause   
a hulk reaction.' 

Bruce: Well… it's true?!? 

IronMan: WHEN DID THIS TURN INTO A ROAST SESSION ON ME?!? 

Hawkeye: This is why I bring popcorn when I read this chat. 

-

**November 5th**

-

BestBoi: Is Bucky okay? 

Steve: He had a bad night, just don't say anything bad to him. I'm looking at you Tony. 

IronMan: ...Telling me not to do something really just makes me want to. 

But fine, if Bucky needs space he can use my indoor garden. It has ducks. 

Steve: ……… So many questions. So little time. 

BestBoi: I told him I liked ducks and this is what happened. 

ScienceBro!: Tony is such a good dad. 

IronMan: SILENCE!

**BestBoi has changed Loki's name to: DangerNoodle**

DangerNoodle: ??

BestBoi: Thor told me the snake story uwu 

DangerNoodle: … ah. This is one of those midgardian memes yes? 

BestBoi: Hmmmm a little :D 

JesusChristSuperStar: Everyone has such clever nicknames except me ._. 

BestBoi: DDD: Maybe you're trying too hard Mr. Barnes, you gotta let it happen naturally! 

Thor: BROTHER! I LOVE THIS NEW NAME! I WISH TO JOIN YOU! 

**Thor has changed their name to ThunderNoodle**

DangerNoodle: …. How do I leave?? 

IronMan: You're not allowed. 

**DangerNoodle has kicked ThunderNoodle from the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

**Steve has added ThunderNoodle to the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

Steve: no kicking. 

DangerNoodle: DAMN YOU CRETIN!

BestBoi: IDEA! 

**BestBoi has changed JesusChristSuperstars name to: Fullmetal Alchemist**

FullMetal Alchemist: ??? 

BestBoi: Because of the arm :) 

FullMetal Alchemist: !!!! :0 

-

FRIDAY: Boss, your next Psychology assignment is due at midnight, I believe you should start it within the next three hours in order to finish on time. 

Hawkeye: :eyes: psychology?

**WarMachine has joined the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

WarMachine: :eyes:

IronMan: FRIDAY I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF THE CHAT T ROTDYGKKJHGRXDTYLFJUG

ScienceBro!: YOU'RE TAKING PSYCHOLOGY! 

WarMachine: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I gotta tell Pepper.

IronMan: ONLY BECAUSE ALL OF YOU SHITS ARE TERRIBLE AT HELPING ME WITH MY ISSUES! RHODEEY DON'T YOU DARE! 

**WarMachine has left the chat C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

IronMan: DAMNIT HOW DOES RHODEY KEEP GETTING INTO THE CHAT!??

ScienceBro!: In my defence. I'm not that kind of doctor and I did try. 

IronMan: I respect that. Don’t worry Bruce I don’t blame you for shit, I just have a lot of issues.

Anyway, the teachers are all shit and say that I cant use myself as a case study because I'm not average. It's true, but still. 

ScienceBro!: I thought we agreed not to make the professors cry? 

IronMan: I NEVER AGREED TO THAT 

ScienceBro!: We’re meant to be good role models for Peter. That means not giving the teachers breakdowns and ruining their careers.

IronMan: Peter needs better role models than idiot teachers anyway 

ANYWAY I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TO DO, TALK TOMORROW!

-


	12. pyschoIogy by Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They continue to be dumb

**Chapter 12**

**November 6th**

-

ScienceBro!: Okay, wait. Did you honestly threaten to do your final thesis on the Psychological analysis of an AI?   
That’s like backhanding the entire psychological profession...

IronMan: AI deserve human rights too

BestBoi: Skynet will happen if you do that Mr. Stark. Mr. Coulson already threatened to shut down all of the Lego company's last week so   
Mr. Loki couldn’t surround Mr. Hammer’s house with them.

IronMan: Sounds like fun, Maybe I should help Loki with that. 

DangerNoodle: That was last week. I have a destroyed library to resurrect this weekend. DO NOT bother me. 

IronMan: ...how are you going to resurrect it Loki you don’t know what was in it? 

DangerNoodle: Mere trivialities. I want it. so I shall have it. 

BestBoi: Mr. Loki I thought you gave up on the Library of Alexandria! ;0

DangerNoodle: New information has arisen, I simply had to turn my attention to books written in other languages. 

ThunderNoodle: But Brother! Since the destruction of Asgard the Allspeak has slowly depleted, now it does not work at all! 

DangerNoodle: That is why I LEARN things, Thor. 

IronMan: Wait a second, back up a bit. I want to be clear, the teacher was an idiot and wasn't telling me how the human mind worked.   
She just wants to fit people into neat little boxes! 

ScienceBro!: Tony… How many psychology books have you read?   
Also, I now understand why Thor's English has descended to such a low level, it's because he;s now speaking in a second language   
that he doesn't know properly…

Thor: Lady Jane and Lady Darcy have been aiding me in learning this new tongue called ‘English’! 

IronMan: I have transcended past mere psychology books Bruce, I've read every textbook, thesis and book you can find on any means of   
psychology, sociology, biology… all of it! 

ScienceBro!: Yeah, you need to take a break and find out what's real and what isn't when it comes to labelling and human mentality… 

IronMan: Hmmm, well I have been thinking of ideas for my final. I'm gonna psychoanalyse either Loki (the alien), Bucky (the brainwashed, drug enhanced villain)   
or FRIDAY (AI meaning she has an intelligence inferring a mind that can be psychoanalysed) 

Pepper: All of his initial proposals were instantly rejected by both the board of Stark Industries and the thesis panel at MIT. 

Hawkeye: What were his proposals?? 

Pepper: I have a list actually.   
Heroes: Good Guys or Just In Need of Therapists?  
The Avengers: Brave or Just Broken? A Psychological Analysis   
My Friends: Idiots or Heroic Idiots? A Psychological Analysis.   
Villainy: Just a case of Perspective? A case study of Loki Friggason.   
A Psychological Analysis of Tony Stark: Why he is the Best. By Tony Stark. 

IronMan: But why was the last one rejected?!? THAT IS THE BEST PAPER THEY’LL EVER READ!!! 

Pepper: Because you started off by saying: The world is full of dim people, I am of course, not one of them. 

IronMan: ...Am I wrong? 

Pepper: -deep sigh-

Facon: it pains me to say this but, I'd read that. 

FullMetal Alchemist: I am a case study for you and I can make your work A grade~   
My idea is: Bucky Barnes or Winter Soldier: A Psychological Analysis of the World's Greatest Villain Who Likes to Bake. By Tony Stark.

IronMan: Ooooo! 

Pepper: -deeper sigh-

-

**Chatroom: Team Red**

Spiderman has added Venom to the chat 

Spiderman: This is my new friend! He has an alien living inside of him, He doesn’t wear red but I thought it would be nice for him to join us （*’∀’人）♥

Venom: Hey guys! Don’t tell anyone I’m in NY, technically I’m still banned.

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: dnt u thnk abt hrtng my bbybi! 

Daredevil: Deadpool, please use vowels in your writing. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: I sed ‘u’ and ‘y’! 

Daredevil: …. I thought I worked in Hell, but this is a whole other level.   
Why are you banned from New York?

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: sum of my hne buttns dqnt wrk anymire!!!   
Haha, I sed sum! 

Venom: I already love this chat.   
I wrote a piece on Tony Stark and he ran me out of town.

Daredevil: Motherfucker shithead.   
I mean. That’s hilarious, want to help me spud gun his new private jet?

Venom: From the bottom of my heart I can say that I would love to. 

Spiderman: :C Oh no, now you guys are going to be mean to Mr. Stark together! 

Daredevil: Not mean. Petty. 

Venom: Yes. Very petty. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: U an me cn hangut BBYBI! 

Spiderman: Sadly I need to catch up on College work :’) 

Venom: Let me know if you want to catch bad guys together, but don’t be surprised if I bite someone's head off. 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: I LKE U!   
LTS HUNT DWN THT MLSTEER FRM DWNTWN! 

Venom: Sure. Venom loves to eat molesters.

Daredevil: Oh, molester. I thought he was trying to say maltesers…

Spiderman: Have fun guys! Please don’t kill anyone D: 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: Sidy is cnammn rll, he dsnt like seath

Venom: And yet you weren’t afraid of Venom when you saw him?

Spiderman: I’ve seen weirder things :0 ! Want to meet my pet spider? She’s adorable! But no one is allowed to hurt her! 

Daredevil: You should join us after your college stuff Spiderman, and make sure to tell Stark so he gets angry. I want the anger. 

Spiderman: Guys please… Why do you hate Mr. Stark???

Daredevil: I don't hate him… I just… like to see him squirm… 

Venom: ^^^^^^^

-

**November 7th**

BestBoi: Uwahhhh I have a presentation tomorrow! 

IronMan: So? 

BestBoi: … I haven't prepared… 

IronMan: … So ???? 

BestBoi: I CAN'T WING IT MR. STARK!!! 

IronMan: Why the fuck not? 

Steve: Most people don't just stand up and speak in front of groups of people with no preparation 

IronMan: Was that English? 

Fullmetal Alchemist: Isn't it ? I always wing presentations

Steve: … you had a presentation yesterday? 

Fullmetal Alchemist: Yeah? 

Steve: You told me you prepared for that! 

Fullmetal Alchemist: I did! I baked cookies to hand out! 

Steve: … 

BestBoi: D: How do I wing it? 

ScienceBro!: Don’t. It's a bad plan. 

IronMan: You just stand up and talk. You're the smartest person there anyway so they should hang off your every word. 

ScienceBro!: Don't listen to him, go make presentation slides. 

BestBoi: DDDx Im confuuuuuuuuused.   
Wait! I HAVE AN IDEA! 

-

**Chat Room: Taco Tuesdays**

Spiderman: Can you help me make a chemistry presentation? 

PiscinaDeLaMuerte: BBYBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

-

**November 8th**

IronMan: **@BestBoi** ??????????????????????????????

BestBoi: I REGRET NOTHING! 

IronMan: While I am impressed you got away with blowing up a lab with dangerous chemicals without getting in trouble, I need to know WHY DID I SEE DEADPOOL?!? 

BestBoi: He was just helping me bring things in! 

IronMan: HE KNOWS YOUR IDENTITY?!? 

BestBoi: No! He just knows I go to MIT! 

IronMan: AEKHJFIKOREWRITO

BestBoi: We’re still going for dinner tonight with Aunt May right? D: 

IronMan: Yes. But I’m telling her about the explosion. 

BestBoi: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

**November 12th**

ScienceBro!: I am back in NY!   
Someone let me live with them. I am homeless. 

Bestboi: Homeless D:

Hawkeye: You can stay with me! 

ScienceBro!: You live in Tony's vents, right? 

Hawkeye: For about half the year, yes. 

ScienceBro!: Then sure. 

IronMan: Excuse me, my home is not for you idiots to squat in. 

Bestboi: But it's free real estate. 

IronMan: ??? No it isn't ??? 

Bestboi: Do you go into the vents? 

IronMan: NO BECAUSE I'M A NORMAL BILLIONAIRE???

Bestboi: Then it's free real estate. 

IronMan: Why do I get the feeling you are using a meme right now. 

Bestboi: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

IronMan: Grounded. 

Bestboi: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

ScienceBro!: I am outside come let me in. 

Hawkeye: I gotchu 

IronMan: LET ME GET ONE THING STRAIGHT, NONE OF YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TOUCH MY COFFEE. 

-

**November 20th**

Chatroom: Stabby Bros 

Frozen: Will you be joining me in the Villains Association cocktail night? 

Fullmetal Alchemist: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Frozen: Well okay then. 

Fullmetal Alchemist: Wait! We need to invite Peter :C 

Frozen: Peter is not a villain… 

Fullmetal Alchemist: He’s not, but he has been sad and feverish the past few days so we need to cheer him up with fun times! 

Frozen: Fine. But you’re in charge of killing anyone that gets too close to him. 

Fullmetal Alchemist: I am okay with that! 

-

**C.O.L.L.E.G.E**

IronMan: **@Frozen** Why am I getting reports of villains scheming together at a karaoke room? 

Frozen: Scheming? How dare you. I do not scheme, I plot. 

IronMan: You better not be plotting anything devious Lokes.

Frozen: Now, would I do that? 

IronMan: Yes??

Frozen: …  
Well I’m not this time :)

IronMan: I can’t believe you :) ‘d me. 

BestBoi: We’re just singing karaoke~ No scheming here Mr. Stark! 

IronMan: WHY ARE YOU THERE?!? 

BestBoi: Mr. Barnes invited me D: 

IronMan: @Fullmetal Alchemist STRIKE TWO!!! DON’T YOU DARE LET HIM GET HURT!

Fullmetal Alchemist: Peter’sh fone! We sng HighSChool Musical and young peple music with Enschantress. 

IronMan: rsgjhtgkrlorkyjikotgrjtifhg  
WHY ARE YOU DRUNJK???

ScienceBro!: Stop worrying Dad!Tony. I’m sure Peter is fine with Loki and Bucky. 

IronMan: I CAN’T BE SURE OF THAT UNLESS I AM THERE! I’M INVITING MYSELF!!! 

Frozen: Anthony, I told you this was a villain event, inviting known heroes ruins the purpose of the night. 

IronMan: Would it help if I became evil?

Frozen: If you could prove you were evil. 

Steve: I WILL BRING FURY, TONY! I HAVE MY FINGER OVER THE CALL BUTTON!!!

IronMan: UGH kill joy. Fine, then I’ll wear a disguise! 

Frozen: … Well, now I am intrigued. 

-

Steve: Tony didn’t actually walk into a party of villains in disguise did he? 

Fullmetal Alchemist: YE AND HE’S DRESSED AS BATMAN I’M WHEEIZNG

Steve: … 

BestBoi: >:C Someone tell Mr. Stark and Mr. Loki to stop hogging the microphones! 

Steve: **@Nat** Help? 

Nat: I have eyes on them, but they really are just singing karaoke, nothing to worry about. 

FaIcon: The thing I’m most worried about is why Tony had a batman costume.


	13. What Really Happened at the Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short side story of the last chapter written as an actual fanfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wont be many chapters like this... I got carried away.

**What Rea** **ll** **y Happened at the Bar  
** **November 20th**

Bucky grinned, wild hair flowing in the breeze and eyeliner on point. Walking along the darkened streets of downtown New York, they turned down a twisting alleyway. 

“Are we there yet?” the ex-assassin asked the exasperated God next to him.

“If you say that one more time, the only ‘there’ you’ll be going to is Helheim,” Loki grumbled, tucking a stray hair behind his ear.

Peter slid over to Loki with all the casualness of the hulk. “He’s just excited Mr. Loki, you know how much Bucky loves villains!” 

“Imbeciles,” Loki muttered, turning his attention away as Peter and Bucky started gossiping about who the worst and best villains were. “In case either of you were interested, we are in fact here now.” 

Bucky gasped in mock drama as Loki gestured to a bar with a plain exterior. “But... it doesn’t look cool,” the metal-armed man complained. 

“It’s a misdirect!” Peter shouted.

Loki sighed. How did he get stuck with these two mortal idiots? He sauntered inside, firmly resolute in leaving Bucky to defend the tiny, innocent child from getting creeped on, or webbing anyone to the ceiling. He sashayed over to the bar and ordered himself an apple martini before looking around. 

It appeared a few villains had turned up already. Out of the people he recognised there was Dr Doom, who looked drunk as usual and was loudly proclaiming his power over the Fantastic Four. The beautiful Enchantress who was dancing by herself and doing a wonderful job of not caring about anyone staring at her. And finally, Magneto was in his usual seat in the corner of the room where he was likely going to be doing an Aragorn impression all night.

“They have karaoke!” Peter shouted over the buzz of the bar.

“LET’S SING!!” Bucky shouted even louder. 

Loki turned into a woman and went to join Enchantress before the two idiots got stabbed… by him.

Bucky turned to Peter. “Karaoke?”

“YES!” Peter grinned. 

They went to the karaoke machine. In one of their many Stark Tower movie binge nights, Peter had in fact shown everyone the High School Musical Trilogy. So it was no surprise they picked the best duet ever made: Start of Something New.   
-

After several rounds of karaoke, Peter took a seat next to a still-female Loki, sipping some ice water and fumbling for his phone which had been consistently buzzing in his pocket. The C.O.L.L.E.G.E chat had new messages. Peter frowned, reading through them. “Mr. Stark is angry that you two brought me here.” 

Loki sipped his cocktail. “Just ignore Anthony, he is protective of you but I think he forgets that you could single-handedly get everyone in this room arrested… I’d say killed but you have some strange ‘don’t murder’ policy.” 

“Murder is bad, Mr. Loki,” the brown-haired boy pouted. 

“Murder ish bad. But scalping people ish veeeeeeeeeeeeeery ent’rtaining,” Bucky interjected, wrapping an arm over Peter’s shoulder and swaying them both from his weight as he tapped out a message on his phone.

Peter steadied the ex-soldier. “Mr. Barnes is drunk!” 

“Weakling, can’t even handle plain midgardian alcohol.” Loki sighed, sending another message to Tony with the odd communication device as he ordered himself another drink.

“I’m going to go sing more!” Peter huffed, finishing his water and heading back to the karaoke machine, it was time for the Disney soundtrack. “Tell Mr. Stark not to worry about me.” 

Humming, Loki muttered. “That’ll be hard considering he is coming here now.”

Bucky grinned, climbing onto the table to dance and hitting several glasses off. No one seemed to care as they smashed on the floor, then again, it was a bar of rich assholes anyway, and most of them had magic to clean up. Less than five minutes later, the door slammed open.

“Everyone remain calm, I am here, thus the real party can begin!” shouted the voice of Tony Stark as he swaggered into the bar, his perfect replica of the Dark Knight’s Batman costume turning all heads towards him. Then several villains rolled their eyes and went back to their drinks. 

Bucky screeched. “IT’S BRUCE WAYNE!!!” as he fell off the table in a fit of laughter.

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose as Tony walked over to him. “Lady Loki, fancy seeing you here, don’t you look beautiful as always,” the billionaire flirted. 

“Well I have to admit Anthony, you must be evil to own that outfit for no reason,” Loki replied, eyeing the Batman mask. 

“I have a reason, it was expensive and I wanted it,” Tony retorted, ordering himself a scotch on the rocks. Bucky continued to flail on the floor, wheezing and texting someone on his phone. 

The billionaire glared at Loki’s drink for thirty whole seconds before asking. “What is that monstrosity you’re drinking? 

Loki smiled, his form shimmering into his usual male self. “You midgardians call it a martini.” 

“A drink for old, rich women that plan to take over the world,” Tony frowned, taking the opportunity to jab Bucky in the side with his foot. “It’s very you.” 

“A flatterer as usual,” Loki chuckled, taking Tony by the arm and dragging him towards the karaoke machine to steal the mic away from the spider child. It was time for a duet. 

**Author's Note:**

> If any of you want to help me with the tags, please help. I cannot think of tags...


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